ONE HELL OF A WEEK

I am gonna write this blog to end this stressful sh*t once and for all.

I am gonna write this blog to satisfy my need to release everything through writing.

THEN MOVE ON.

For the past week I have seen a part of reality that I never knew existed. It was something that brought me pain and big disappointment.

If there is one thing that I have been thankful for this year, that is having a friend whom I can talk about my dreams with without being judged or discouraged. He is a friend who has influenced me to be better, a person who has given me a wiser perspective in life. I have been very thankful for everything that he, and the people affiliated to him, has thought me. They’ve been a brother and a buddy all rolled into one.

Then in a snap, I lost that trust. It became very painful, really, because as much as I wanna bring back that trust, I can’t, it’s hard.

Then we lost the respect. We ended up with hurtful words, words I don’t even wanna remember because I find it hard to accept that he was able to say such words to me without basis. BUT I UNDERSTAND.

For one week I was able to realize so many things.

Words are not enough to know a person; a man of words is not a man of perfection. But despite doing me wrong, I still won’t judge the advices he has given me, and up until now I will still live up to his teachings. Practice what you preach.

It’s never easy to accept that someone who you look up to would end up hurting you, judging you.

You come out strong, mature and wise, and then be questioned afterwards for being weak and for being hurt. That I can handle situations because I am intellectually capable to grip it… did he ever realized that emotions are harder to deal with.

And the biggest thing I realized through this experience is that it’s so HARD to do what is right. For the whole week I prayed for peace of mind, it hasn’t become easy, but I have to do what is necessary. It’s so difficult to tell him that everything is for good intentions, but come to think of it, I don’t need to push it, if he can’t understand it then fine. That is the worst debate we’ve ever had. But I left that place with a clean conscience because I know I am with HIM through every decision I made.

Still I wanna say SORRY for everyone who got hurt, who got affected in the process. I apologize to him for the pain I’ve caused. I know he will never understand my good intentions, so I will leave everything up to God. I never got mad; I was devastated really, but not mad. I still believe that genuine tragedies in the world are not conflicts between right and wrong. They are conflicts between two rights.

I am sorry if I have said some things that may have hurt him, I remembered him telling me: SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BE THE BAD GUY, IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD FRIEND.

If I have to end up being the bad guy here, it’s totally fine. Sacrifices, not very easy, but I’ve accepted it now. I lost a friendship because I wanna protect someone and because I wanna do the right thing. As much as it hurt me, I didn’t regret it, maybe some people just come into our lives to teach us lessons, and indeed… I learned a lot. THANK YOU.

I am proud of myself that despite the pain I still chose to do what is right, that despite the imperfections I am still able to stand up for what I believe in.

I WILL ALWAYS BE A FRIEND, TO EVERYBODY, ESPECIALLY TO MYSELF. I won’t turn my back if he needs me, but right now all I can do is pray for his betterment, I still do continue to pray for him, again I leave everything up to God.

That is probably one of the craziest week I’ve ever had, one of the most distressing summer, but then again I am still relieved. I may have lost a friendship and I may have ruined my reputation, yet I gained wisdom, I gained faith… and this time he may call it bragging.



“There are only two people who can tell you the truth about yourself - an enemy who has lost his temper and a friend who cares for you dearly.”

THANK YOU.
HE STILL THOUGHT ME SOMETHING,
UNINTENTIONAL THIS TIME.

THE RED ONE 4K CAMERA

I was privileged to be invited to the Director’s Guild of the Philippine’s (dgpi) Technical Workshop on Film held at The Block D- Cinema last May 9.

I saw many familiar faces in the film industry like Tony G. Reyes, president of DGPI; Joel Lamangan, an award- winning film director; Audrey Zubiri, wife of Senator Miguel Zubiri; Oli Laperal Jr., managing director of RSVP Film Production; Percy Fung, 3D film maker from Hong Kong; and many others!


I learned so much about film making, cameras, post production, etc. One of the exciting parts is watching 3D made music videos and clips which were also discussed by Mr. Percy Fung.
Of course the 3D presentations won’t be possible without the 3D shades =)
I felt a little dizzy with the computations and numbers lectured by Mr. Oli Laperal Jr. (but they do make sense… a lot)!

But I ultimately went back to my senses when they talked about the 4K RED camera. Whew, it’s cool! RSVP Film Production is the first one to own the Red camera here in South East Asia. They showed us their demo reels using the 4K cam and I was impressed big time! The colors are very detailed and the images are realistic. I totally recommend this for food advertisement, even the olives looked tasty to my eyes. The test shot on time warp is cute too (cute?haha).

To give you an idea on what the hell I am talking about, see there are 5 main standards of digital video cameras, ranging from the high end digital cinema cameras, to your ordinary everyday household DVcam. The 480p or SD (standard definition), most commonly 720x480 in NTSC regions, is what you get in a decent DV camera. The 720p on the other hand, is the 'low end' HD. 720 lines vertically, commonly 1280x720. The 1080 is the topmost HDTV format. 1080 lines vertically (HDTV, unlike the cinema formats, are measured by their heights not width). The maximum is 1920x1080 at 60frames per second progressive scan (I’m not really familiar with the term progressive scan though). Now the 2k is 4k's little brother. While 4k exceeds 35mm film quality, 2k is a little below. 2048 pixels wide, it's around a quarter of the quality of 4k. And 4k is the mother of all digital film formats. 4096 pixels wide visual heaven! I told you, they discussed a lot of numbers in the workshop, and yeah, they do makes sense right?

The Knowing (Nicolas Cage), Angels and Demons (Tom Hanks) are just some of the films, among about 400 other Hollywood films, that already used the Red camera. Baler (Jericho Rosales), the indi film Pintakasi (John Wayne Sace), and many other film and advertisements here in the Philippines also used the Red cam.
















RSVP film production also showed us a demo reel on animations which also got my attention. Working on the post production is like being the magician of the film, anything is possible! And i think having a fully digital workflow for the film will make editing,visualFX,color-grading and distribution a lot more painless and trouble free than having film rolls. Digital media can be a little pricy though. That Red One cam is woopin' expensive Jonah!haha!

Someday I would get to use that Red ‘hot’ camera. Someday I would get to present a demo reel (done by me only,haha) about how awesome my ad agency is (c’mon I’m dreaming here!). But my biggest dream is to have a seminar to students and inspire them to achieve greatness and coolness in the mediocre world of film and advertisement!

Wahahaha… dream on…. yeah… and wake me up later!

THE SELFISH LOST A FRIEND

  

I lost him last night because of one of the usual causes of road accidents… riding motorcycles without helmet.

Like who would have thought that someone so healthy, ambitious, cheerful and smart would die just like that. I received a call from a friend 10pm Tuesday night (April 28) telling me to buy load for our friend so he can call Jake, and so I did looked for a place to buy load as I was also about to go to a friend’s office to drink.

That same night I heard about Jake’s motorcycle accident. I was drinking with friends and didn’t bother THAT much thinking that everything will be okay.

BUT I WAS WRONG. Jake passed away Wednesday night, 7:30pm (April 29). I didn’t cry at first, or I was trying not to cry. I drank with friends and just let the night pass me by. Before I write this I went to Arlington to visit my good good buddy. Still charming, and yeah, still smiling. That was the time I cried.

I was just with him last week, we were just singing in his car last week, he was just tutoring me on Corel last week, we were just pigging out on Japanese food last week… last week and this week, who would have thought that those 2 weeks can make a difference?

AND ON MY WAY HOME I REALIZED: HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SELFISH?

I’ve related selfishness because that same night when Jake died I had a good talk with a good friend about being called selfish or basically following your passion to the expense of hurting someone’s feelings. See I have been consistently called selfish in four months by men I’ve sincerely had feelings for. Selfish for not being able to give them time due to some goal oriented reasons. I get lonely sometimes thinking that maybe they’re right, I may have the brains but I have a frail heart. I may satisfy my passion but ends up disregarding the emotions of my partner. Yes I suppose that’s selfishness, and sometimes I can’t help but feel guilty whenever I am alone and wondering: what if I’ve given them the time they needed?

See we all live our lives each day differently. As for me, I live each day making sure that it will have a good effect on my future. But what made me think is how tricky life can be, one day they’re there, next thing you know, they’re gone. So would that mean that I should chase my dreams, fulfill my passion, reach for my goals while I’m still young and alive or show the people I care for how much important they are before they’re gone?

What if I wanna do both? I wanna be good in the industry I’m planning to embrace wholeheartedly but I am ALSO yearning to be with someone to hug and to hold, to hug and to hold only at those times that I can afford. Selfish isn’t it?

But how do I live my life, I am commending myself for the things I’m learning in the field of arts, but I am also gradually blaming myself for this empty feeling in my heart…

I am going to look for someone ‘SELFISH’ and I’ll make sure to live each day making people smile, making myself smile, and yes making him smile everyday until we die.

Jake probably knows why I am writing selfishness with death. It could have been us Jake, but I am selfish, and so I set you free.

REST IN PEACE JAKE.
IT WAS A ‘BROOM BROOM’ RIDE AFTER ALL! ;)