The start of the year for me has been jam packed like the usual. I’m not complaining though, I’d rather be busy than do nothing but non-progressive stuffs that I usually do before I came to this point of straightening up my priorities. One thing that took most of my time is the documentary I directed for our video fest this year. Yes, directing and owning up a big part of the responsibility in the group. The moment I was given the privilege to direct a documentary I really said to myself: ‘kakaririn ko to!’. Last Friday when we had our public viewing and saw the other documentary entries, I started asking myself: ‘kinarir ko nga ba?’
I was touched with the people who appreciated our entry, but I couldn’t deny that there have been bad comments as well. Somehow, no not somehow, I was devastated with the lack of focus I had with the script. I’d rather blame myself than dwell on the scriptwriter or the host or whoever is involved, because I am aware that it is still my responsibility to double check if everything’s okay. I thought I was a failure, or rather stupid for not noticing a simple detail of ‘continuity’ in the scene. That I am a director who settled for less because I didn’t spent much attention on the interviews. I thought I wasn’t good enough for the position, that I don’t deserve it, yeah, I thought of the awful side too much. It’s not that I have issues dealing with defeats, I have joined different contests many times already, but this will be the first time that I am going to represent a big factor on the production, after all, I am the director. Maybe it’s my pride, or I’m just scared to be discouraged afterwards, I really don’t know.
But as close as I am to giving up, to not attending the awards night, I remembered the good words of ‘Mr. YM’ (di ko po sya chatmate ha,haha) and of Mr. Button =D
Two different stories of time and me learning from both of it. I learned from Mr. YM that there will always be room for compromise. I realized how jumbled my priorities are, and fixing them up would also mean sacrificing some ‘good things’ as well. Losing a loved one for example, he left for a reason that I should have expected before hand: lack of time. If only I could make him understand that I myself would want to have someone to cheer me up when I’m stressful an
d tired, but cannot because that would mean dividing my attention on a much important matter. Mr. YM also told me that one should do what makes him happy first before expecting to be happy with someone else. I have to agree on that! That is probably or precisely the reason why he’s happy despite being anonymous with a chic named ‘Time’. I realized that relationships can wait, that I should stop playing with commitments but actually being into it at the right time. I should embrace my works oblivious with the recognitions, be grateful for the opportunities of executing my passion. I should love what I’m doing first, give my best, and realize that the perfect award is self satisfaction! Lastly I learned from Mr. YM that everyone’s a critic. I am a critic myself. I learned to pig out on the yummy side of life, and gag the repulsive part of the meal. Like what is mentioned, it’s the reward of self satisfaction. Now if you’ll ask me if I’m satisfied… I am big time! I’ll even have my second serving of the meal later!Going to Mr. Button, man I cried! It was the perfect movie for me at the moment. I love the movie merely because it talked about life, time and history. Three things I love to talk about, yet I overlook once in a while.
Here are some quotes from the movie that I love love love:We’re meant to lose the people we love. How else are we supposed to know how important they are?
Your life is defined by its opportunities… even the ones you miss.
- I have always believed that if opportunity knocks on your door, then it is yours for a reason. If by chance you have missed it, then again there’s a reason for it… a good reason most probably.
Benjamin: I was thinking how nothing lasts, and what a shame that is.
Daisy: Some things last.
Sometimes we’re on a collision course, and we just don’t know it. Whether it’s by accident or by design, there’s not a thing we can do about it.
- the best precautions we can do is to be careful with our decisions because the end doesn’t just justify the means, but the means will ultimately justify its end.
You can be mad as a mad dog at the way things went; you can swear and curse the fates - but when it comes to the end, you have to let go.
- Damn this hit me! At the end of it all what is done is done, good thing prayers have kept me sane.
And the part that made me cry was when Caroline read Benjamin’s message for her:
For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
My friends from way back know how I used to plan my life specifically as how I wanted it to happen. They are the same people who saw me disappoint myself for not being able to follow what is intended.
...now circumstances taught me to enjoy the carousel ride.
Benjamin Button showed life and death in a new perspective. I am a dreamer, a risk taker, a neophyte, a fan; I am born to show others, primarily my family, that I can be as good as them (maybe better) in the field of arts. I may have failed for some reasons that I am gradually trying to comprehend, but life doesn’t end there, time didn’t stop chasing chances, so as the clock says tick-tock-tick-tock… do something… time won’t wait for you to change… it won’t stop for you to start again.
