TRANSFORMERS... FILIPINO VERSION->TRANSPORTMERS...! REALLY FUNNY!

this one made me laugh...

it was sent to me through email a month ago... good thing I saw it again!

we (pinoys) never ran out of ideas do we? haha!

INTRODUCING:

BRING ME TO COPELAND!

i borrowed panch's cds of copeland... i got to borrow 4cds to be exact... i am not familiar with some of the titles though... its lyrics are too good to be your quotable quotes... and the melody? they will even make you sleep when you're heart broken...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Was your kiss too weak? Were your eyes too tight? And much too young to be in love. Much too young to be in love.
- LOVE AFFAIR (copeland)

TO MY PINK SCHOOL =P

I’ll be leaving my school CEU, im gonna transfer in st josephs college this coming school year for reasons which I myself can’t fully elaborate.

It was my mom’s choice, and she convinced me to agree with her. At some point yes I do find reasons to transfer but at the same time, no… why should I change school? My mom said that she’s not satisfied with ceu’s mass communication so I tried UP, yes dear I tried UP. With every bit of valor I showed my grades to their admission and… voila… my grades passed the quota of their Mass Communication major in Film and Audio Visual (ok I was supposed to take up broadcasting but my grades aren’t enough). That was April 25 when we decided to pass a form. April 28 I’m supposed to go back to UP to give the document their asking which is supposed to be signed by our registrar so I have to go to CEU first before UP… but I didn’t make it that day so my mom said to go back at the 29th. UP ADMIN: ^“APRIL 28 IS OUR LAST DAY FOR ADMISSION”… and I guess you all figured it out already. My mom’s last resort then is st joseph or still CEU if I can convince her. But I didn’t.

I had so much hassle getting my requirements in CEU. It was a pain in the neck every single day. I have to go back and forth CEU and manila city hall just to fix my NSO birth certificate (they won’t release my transfer credentials w/o my NSO). Finally when I got my NSO I went to CEU to get my requirements and guess what… they didn’t asked for my NSO, they gave my requirements there and then… b*llshit!!!

And so I got my requirements, had my entrance exam in st joseph and interview afterwards… this is it… I am about to say goodbye to my pink school… aaaw =(

Shox, lots of memories here… U-belt, university environment, fast foods, Legarda station of lrt, and every place that us students can smoke, like in front of San Beda and most esp.the one in front of Mcdo, kuya vendor knows my choice of cigar already,hehe, and manong fishball, also in front of Mcdo, which has the most delicious sauce I’ve ever tasted… id 100% miss these places! My profs, Maam Santonia to be exact, she has always been a friend and prof to me. Maam Neri, Maam Castro and Sir Rongcales will be my other memorable profs as well.

Of course how can I forget my ever dearest SELAMS-mates (SELAMS is the college in CEU for masscom –im a major in broadcasting here-, music, performing arts, journalism, pol.sci.,etc.), the best ever, haha! Some of the craziest people in the world are here… but mind you, they’re crazy and multi-talented at the same time… as what we say - ASTIG SA SELAMS!!!

Speaking of my college mates… I would then have to give credit to my last batch of friends here. Hai, what a year. New faces, new stories… but I never thought they’d mean so much to me. I am guilty of judging them beforehand, they’re immature, boring, KJ, totally not my social group… that’s what I thought. But I later on appreciated my new set of block mates when they comforted me during my disheartening journey after break-up (guys I’m sure you know who I’m talking about… that a**hole!). Man, I couldn’t have survived if it weren’t for these kiddos… and I am sorry for judging you. The whole class transformed into a one big barkada. We were unstoppable. I never thought I would laugh so hard with them. We have also our share of bonding moments outside school, may it be a house of whoever (but it’s Bok’s or Reich’s house most of the time) or to the mall, club or even out of town. I am always delighted to know if we will have a gimmick whatsoever, I’ve always wanted to bring my girl friends to the places I’ve gone to. I don’t need to bring the boys, they know these places for sure already.

I love these girls. They may not know it but I do treasure them. I think I loved the idea of being with the innocents for the first time. I mean like what I said, they weren’t the usual social group I hang out with… but it was a whole new experience. I am so happy witnessing their “first times”, ok dirty minds stop it, I can feel the excitement on their faces whenever they share stories that I myself have experienced way back. It’s nice to be there when they had their first “yosi”, first shot of beer, first night out, first over night, and etc. I also appreciated it when they would trust me with their worries, primarily concerning matters of the heart… and “sex” haha, kiddin’ aside!!! It just feels good to be their acting “ate” and at the same time their “tangang bunso” whenever I would cry over a worthless guy. Yes, ironies of ironies, they were even the one who’d give me tons of advices whenever I would drown in tears bec. of the never ending mistakes I make esp. concerning boys. The time a**hole broke up with me, Karen, Irene, Bok, April and Reich’s concerns were so overwhelming. And to those hundred times that I cried out of martyrdom, everyone else gave their piece of sympathy. Kuya Leriz (im still 2 days younger, hehe) and Quiazon surprisingly became helpful too. Leriz, though not obvious, is truly a shoulder to cry on… such a natural ‘kuya’. Ow, remember when I cried bec. of Maam Jambalos? Garret, Franz and Gif we’re the ones who helped me on my English prob, hehe. Shox, how can I forget… when I had a very big stain on my skirt? It was Cara, Garret and Cielo who helped me get that icky off. Shallow moments, but I don’t know why they were still here in my memory… maybe they are worth keeping. I’ll miss the boys, ok id skip Quiao and Gerard coz we’ve missed them already, hehe. Mark the dream catcher and hopeless romantic… I love your guts, but pls.do study at the same time ok? Bok my ‘kalokohan’ buddy, love this kid… he has this joyful aura with him… but girls beware, haha! Borgy… the bodyguard but not really, haha. He became one of the girls last sem, and I admired him for his willingness to reconstruct his priorities after all. Leriz or kuya Leriz, the silent gentleman… he just loves teasing us girls but put him in a serious conversation and he will never disappoint you. What’s best about him is that he is always present in our gimmicks even if he is the only guy among the group. Jairo, the kid at heart… aaaw, I would miss you… damn, you should hear him crack jokes (both intentional and not), he’s a hit! A very good conversationalist too, he’s intelligent, I can sense it… and by the way we both love music. A rich kid but never bragged about it… except for the “WEBCAM”… haha, kiddin’!

The girls, my lil sisters… let me start with mama I or Irene, man she’s a big fan of my jokes! She’s a lady of respect, not just to others but to herself. She transferred last 2^nd sem though. She has been a good listener and I thank her for being mature beyond her years… no wonder she’s mama I. If there’s Irene, there’s Karen for sure… the best friend. These 2 are the first few ones to hear my story about…gRr…remember gateway days? Anyway, Karen is more of the tougher side of Irene… if you’re gonna look inside the box. Try to look outside the box, and you’ll discover that she’s less tough. Whatever transition you have gone through this college, believe me… been there, done that. So when I say that there’s something wrong… it’s positive. Boys will never be a basis for anything, may it be for your ego, for recovery or whatsoever, so don’t let your life turn thinking that you should always have someone with you. It has been my state of mind for many years… and look what happened to me? I know you’re wise, you just chose not to be one. My other girl friend is Faith. The girl with spunk… you don’t wanna mess up with her, hehe. Nah, Faith is just more of a “ill do what I wanna do and no one can stop me” type of lady (well maybe her ‘daddy’ is the only one who can stop her though). She grew up witnessing the real side of danger, she embraces danger, but she has her own fears too. She laughs at things as though problems are not supposed to be problems, but she cries at things when she discovers that all shit happens to teach us a lesson. I will put my trust in her that she will change, that she’ll be more responsible and mature enough to set her priorities. Another girl but not my lil sister is Cielo… hehe, she’s older than me that’s why (oops, need I not mention it?). Another kid at heart, think about this… she has the spirit of a kid… and the wisdom of a woman. I never expected that she will be a good friend of mine, but guess what… she did. A lady with principles, and is lucky enough to have a very very intelligent boyfriend…Chi… the couple who stood by the years. I admire Cielo for the patience and loyalty (ok, should I erase loyalty here?hehe) she has given for their relationship. Hope I’m still invited for the wedding. Next on my list is Giffany… aaw… I used to hate her, but just because she was misunderstood by many and my biggest apology for being one of them. You know what I like about this dubai girl? It’s her urge for experience, she doesn’t mind discovering new things may it be dangerous or not. I will agree with her when she said that she’s not a quitter. She also stands up for her principles, some may not understand but she doesn’t care, she will speak for herself and for what she thinks is proper. A very intelligent lady yet still has time to enjoy life (speaking of enjoy… wait till you hear her laugh). I’m looking forward though to see you experience the crazy slice of life… and I know you will… just like what I said, she’s eager for experience. My other lil sister is Jojo, she is little but she is of the same age as me, hehe. You may mistaken her as a kid lesbian because on how she moves and speak. She’s very real and humble, that’s one thing I like about her. I remember how we used to share stories whenever we go home together. A soft spoken person, she has a voice of a lady which would invite you more to listen to her. She unintentionally made me laugh many times already because believe me, she can be a lil crazy at times. She is charming, her charm and innocence exudes in her personality which makes us love her more. But I hope next time, you’ll be more focused on your studies. You can be intelligent if you just push yourself to be one. Concerning about matters of the heart, I am glad that you have learned your lesson… and also, never ever put hatred in your heart. You have a pure heart and I hope you’ll always go for a guy who will respect you coz you are worth the respect. Continue the big faith that you have for the Lord, your compassion for your relative esp. your nieces / nephews, and your charm which brightens up your friends’ day. Another ‘old’ friend of mine (hehe) is April. I actually don’t wanna leave this girl (but sorry if I did) coz she always put a lot of baggage in her mind before she can even take a step out of her comfort zone. I thought before that she can be my ‘ate’ in school, but it became the opposite, hehe. A woman of what ifs, she has so many questions which I believe she can answer… she’s just quite scared to try. A woman dedicated to the Lord too, I know that it’s not yet late to open the other side of you. Familiar with the saying “sing like no one’s listening, dance like no one’s watching and love like you’ve never love before”? I am not sure with the exact statement but bottom line is: don’t hesitate to take chances. But it takes time and I do understand if you are like that but if ever you have something that’s bothering you, never and I mean never ever hesitate to talk to me. I may be on different school, but I’ll still make sure that I witness the time you’ll finally meet your knight and shining armor. Next up is Cara. Ow this girl is another unexpected close friend of mine. Thanks to 2^nd sem, I have discovered that I have a friend who understands my standard of people, of places, of attitude, etc. Surprisingly Cara, you’re one of the people I can consider my gimmick friend (well compared to our other girlfriends). This girl is game, maybe influenced by her “Dominicanas” (weh, I remembered oh)! She is a math genius, a clever walking skeleton… with tons of humility… ow yeah cara, humility! I love this girl, I dunno I just enjoy telling stories to her coz she knows how to listen, and gives wonderful comments, haha! In return, I do appreciate listening to her share of adolescence experiences, kiddin’aside. She is mature in her own way, she tries to be patient and understand things coz I believe she’s a type of person who’ll never waste her time arguing about senseless stuffs. I am thankful that we have opened our doors for a closer relationship. Cara, just take it slowly and I am proud of you by the way coz you know how you were brought up and you stick to what your limitations are. My new literal lil sister is Arleyn, I only met her last sem (2^nd sem)… and I have no idea how we became close! One thing ill never forget about this girl is the time when she said yes to accompany me in a”shole’s place to give a gift. I remember that we’re not that close yet but still you are eager enough to accompany me there… such a sweet thing. One thing I’ll also remember about her is that she’s my ENG.11 partner, haha! We shared an unexpected friendship… and I am thankful because you have treasured it same as mine. I want you to study hard ok, I want you to aim more than just passing the subject. As much as possible, never put Ryan on top of your list and I don’t need to explain why. Again, there are more impt. things than boys, be careful too… you’re still young (hope you got what I mean). Be more understanding too, don’t be too sensitive on stuffs. Sometimes words can really ruin someone’s mood, but don’t let it. There are times when I’ll look at you as a mature lady, but sometimes it’s the opposite… don’t worry, I’m still loving the laughter ‘ngangabu’,haha! Of course how can I not mention my original little sister - Rechelle. A very bubbly person, you’ll most likely notice her because of her cute physique and humorous antics. Our version of Rufa Mae Quinto… but Rechelle has a bigger bust (haha). I didn’t expect to discover her deeper side, that this amiable friend of ours is also a lady of worries and sadness. At first I didn’t know how to react on her frankness and jest but then eventually I got the hang of it. I am not surprised that she became one of my closest and dearest friend coz we both love to “observe” people and make “nice” comments about them. “Reich maghanap ka ng ayaw mag-polka dots!”, damn I miss laughing with you! I am also grateful for considering me as one of your confidante, I hope I didn’t disappoint you as your bigger sister (weh, I AM NOT BIG..argh, hehe). You know what I am proud of you for being responsible and obedient. I should be ashamed bec.at your age you are able to respect your parents’ decisions. I know that sometimes our parents can be a big pain in the ass, but you are brave I know you are… you can even still make others laugh despite your personal dilemmas. You just cry if you have to, you’ll still look pretty don’t worry. I also hope that you’ll see the guy of whom you can be proud of. It’s funny for me to say this but I hope when you finally fall in love again, you would accept him wholeheartedly. I hope you’ll be more understanding to not put your pride in front of the line. Don’t always prioritize what’s on your mind… coz the heart can change a million things. Stay sweet always, I love your sweetness reich, I appreciated every concern and comfort you have showered me… you have always understood my weaknesses. Almost last on my list is Garet. It’s very false to say that first impressions last coz in her case… it didn’t. The quiet and timid girl turned out to be the girl with ambition and confidence. She is more of an older sister to me that me to her, hehe. One of my dearest treasures, Garet was a very trustworthy, reliable and patient friend to me. I think our closeness started during M. Butterfly practices, she was even kind enough to lend me a costume. Generous, that’s one thing that I will never forget about her. Whatever she has, she didn’t brag about it. Whatever she can contribute, she would voluntarily give it without expecting something in return. An intelligent lady too, she is responsible as a leader and thoughtful as a friend. I am really not a fan of morena or dark skinned girls but I have always found her beautiful, I did even convinced her to join Mr.&Ms.CEU. She is very ambitious, she has a dream and I believe that gradually… you can achieve it. My biggest apology again for telling you straight that I don’t think you can be a good director, me and my big mouth! But guess what, I didn’t discourage you… my words didn’t stop her, instead she had proven to me that she’s better that what I think. There are more criticisms on the way Garet and I am confident enough that my friend here can handle it. I am proud of you because you too became an obedient daughter to your parents. You know what, if it weren’t for their “guardia cibil” discipline I don’t think you’d be as good as what you are now. I miss the LRT bondings the two of us share before going home. Both of us would just talk about anything under the sun (oops, it’s kinda late that time so under the moon..haha). We would also of course talk about love, and I am thrilled to hear the time when you’ll share a new love story to me. She may have a little experience about relationships, but she didn’t fail me when I needed someone to help me when my own heart is broken. I am proud of you for passing UP, it’s a big world out there, it’s gonna be tough at times… but I know you can face the challenges. A big thank you Garet for all the support, concern and stories you have shared. Go pursue the theatre and show them what you got! Last on my list is another sister of mine… Karlo! Yeah right Karlo, dream on! Nah, just joking you… he’s the gay I love to hate. The moment I knew he’s gay, I already sensed that we would click because gays never fail to be one of my closest friends. Somehow this gay is different; he’s not so gay to function… haha! I love to pinpoint his every mishap because he gets mad instead of just listening to me and changing it. But mind you he is creative in his own way. He’s not really good academically but he excels in graphics, technology and media oriented tasks. Surprisingly he has many dreams too; sometimes he just tends to put his self down. Quite sensitive as you may say, he will consider your concern as an insult. But Karlo being sensitive won’t help you be strong, always remember that a friend will always put you up and make you better. If they tolerate you and even join you on your own foolishness, then start thinking if they are worth the friendship. I am happy that you are not ashamed about your real identity. I also understand if sometimes or most of the times you don’t understand your family, but you know what, you are absolutely lucky. I hope you can still remember all the things I have told you regarding how you should respect the elders in your house. College became a chance for you to get out and feel free (not exactly be free) but still be very careful. Just like in an amusement park, the more fun a ride is… the more dangerous it should be. You are too eager to discover the real world even if you know that you’re not too ready yet. Same on falling in love, take it slowly okay? I never ever wanna find out that you are enduring a gold digger or that you are being used by who ever. I have always thought you are wiser than that so better prove it to me okay? Thank you by the way for simply listening to my never ending stories, you always make me laugh whenever you can predict the lines that I’m about to say. Somehow you knew me to well. I am sorry if we clash at times, your attitude is just so alarming, you prefer to be narrow minded and immature even if I know you are better than that. It’s sad that we ended the school year fighting. I did miss the closeness we had but maybe we really have strong personalities that we need some space to cool down. Honestly I’m quite anxious that you will not find a friend in your new school who will be patient enough to warn you when you are already stepping outside the line. Look for someone who will whisper thoughts of wisdom that you should understand over and over again. Just remember all the advices I and the rest have repetitively said to you. Study HARDER too, FOCUS on your lectures, IMPROVE your writing… oops, never mind the last one. I am still here if you need a gimmick buddy, a drinking partner and a certified critic… I’m always present.

I will miss my CEU family, I will my friends. Thank you for making me understand, for making me patient too and for making last school year a whole new experience for me. I will always be here for you guys… just a little bit late as usual. I am sorry for transferring school… I hope I can still be your option for advice. Hope to hear everyone’s laughter again. Someday let’s admit it, we will somehow forget each other, I do have my new set of friends now, but one thing that will always put me back to the time I met you guys is the memory that at one point in my life I have helped and have been helped by people I didn’t expect to be my treasured friends in the end. Hope that somehow I have changed and / or thought you something… because altogether, you did thought me too. That is to not base friendship with the age, the trip or whatever status they have. Lastly, you guys made me realize and I hope all girls should realize this too… a woman without a friend is worse than a woman without his man!

Echos, landi ng nobela coh noh?? Haha….. “BITCH!” <- bat ganon di coh sya madalas masabe sa st.jo? suporta nga naman ng ceu sa “bitch” oh =P

PS: sorry for the wrong grammar if any, hehe…. I started writing this piece 2 weeks ago, just became busy that’s why I finished it just now… LOVE YOU ALL…!!!

I STARTED AND ENDED IT WITH A QUESTION

QUESTIONS… I’ve got tons of that kept in my pocket.

My POCKET, underneath it is a hollow soul.

This SOUL is searching from every part of my body, down to the very end of my feet.

These FEET have been to all the journeys I’ve gone through.

JOURNEYS which have made me wiser and mature, life indeed is one hell of a roller coaster.

The ROLLER COASTER of my life made my head twirl, my stomach stumble and my hands wave up high.

HIGH above the dreams I only see.

I SEE my faults and mishaps as I close my eyes.

My EYES shed tears as I fall in love.

I LOVE to be cared for, to be embraced and hopefully, to be respected.

RESPECT, I need that, I believe that I deserve that… to hell with you if you don’t think I do.

DO what you’re supposed to do, follow what will make you happy, be oblivious to the monsters surrounding you… believe me you don’t need them right now.

NOW is the right time, now is the moment to smile.

SMILE when you see him, smile when you don’t, smile when he leaves you, but it’s healthy to cry.

CRY… he never saw me cry, but he heard me many times, I’m not sure though if he cared.

I CARED for him for a long time, and until now, I still do… I just stop letting it show.

My life’s a SHOW, sometimes I play the role I’m not supposed to have, say the lines he never has to hear.

HEAR me when I say that I’m stronger, it’s better to leave you alone, but he’ll remain special, he’s still in my prayers.

PRAYERS are sometimes answered, most of the time they’re not - not right now, but just wait.

I’ll WAIT for that someone silently, until my heart goes numb, until my mind could speak.

SPEAK the answers behind me, speak loudly so I can hear… I need desperately the answers to my questions.

QUESTIONS… I’ve got tons of that in my pocket…

Life’s a cycle, what goes around comes around… we only have to deal with it to survive.

Good luck and a happy new year to y’all!

ANY REBUTTALS?

yes we are the champion for this year's debate competition! our team consists of 3 boys and 1 girl *malamang ako yung girl noh?*, gosh all my team mates are from the higher years *intimidating!*, and i was chosen to be the government whip *pressure pressure*!
actually we didn't expect to win, which made the victory taste better! and to add cherry on top of it, our team mate kuya John Paul got the best debater award!!! wooohooo! we each received a trophy... and that one above belongs to moi! haha!

NO SMALL PARTS, ONLY SMALL ACTORS

i was 1 of the 2 options to play the lead role madame butterfly in this production, unfortunately the other one was chosen. i ended up having a small role instead. i wanna quit, really, i want to... but i dont want to be called a quitter so i didnt.

i gave justice to the role on the performance itself though, and you know what... i received many good comments and praise =) i was even asked to audition for another bigger production! there, i realized that true enough...
"there are no small parts, only small actors!" - Stanislavsky

WHAT HURTS THE MOST - rascal flatts

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

NOT SEEING THAT LOVING YOU
THAT WAS I WAS TRYING TO DO!
Ooohhh....

I hope not to miss you, I hope not to love you anymore… everything’s painful, esp. knowing that it’s not worth it… from the start!

I SAW KELVIN!!

la lng, like i was in cloud9 when i saw my fave NCAA player na c Kelvin Charles dela Peña of Mapua Cardinals knina around starbux (gateway), haha,, pglabas coh i saw him sitting alone sa gilid na prang he's waiting 4 sum1(hmm, at cno nman un),,tpos pg tingin nya,,nsabe q na lng s frnd coh:"grbe,c kelvin un,pramis,,sya tlaga!"..at di nman xa klala ng frnd q so i wasnt able 2 share my enthusiasm 2 her,hai.., hanggang sa cnundan q kung noh ggwen nya s loob ng starbux ksama frnd q,, (stalker?haha),, tpos lumabas sya ule, umupo s prang sahig where he seated nung una(pro sa kabilang gilid nga lng,,detalyado!) while waiting for sumbody,epal pa ung guard xe pnaalis sya don,,bawal dw ata (damn,feeling nung guard ha,hehe),, den sobrang kileg pren aq habang sumusulyap<-d term (nsa 'about meh' q pa xa s 3rd acct q eh,kya meeting him is like,,whew,,grabe),,so pra matahimik lng aq eh pinilit aq ng frnd coh lumapet s kanya.. so eion,, lumapet aq and i asked him if he's kelvin dela peña (pa-effect lng pra may msabe,though im sure it's him),,tpos xmpre ngiti sya den sbe q pa na buti na lng sya ung rookie of d year, and na nainis aq sa PCU xe tinalo cla,,blah2,,tpos he's waiting dw for his team mates xe dey have practice pa:npa-hirit 2loy aq ng "team mates? meron pa?",,pro 2mawa na lng aq,,xmpre dpat sya lng,,haha! he's so nice,,tpos xmpre may pic kme kso putcha wlang gprs pra m-send s mail so.. so,so,so sad...hai(may akbay pa nman un),but damn he's tall pla tlaga *earth to rani, he's a basketball player*.. la lng,i was kinda sad dat day (knina un),,pro bec.of dat unintentional blessing,, di na meh mxadong nbad3p,,hai! tnx kelvin! haha,, oh by d way, he asked my name,,, but im sure he wouldnt rmember it,, oh well, next time,, ill make sure he's gonna remember it! hmm,, pno kaya? haha,,! ;-P

AGAIN I GO UNNOTICED - dashboard confessional

So quiet
Another wasted night,
The television steals
The conversation
Exhale
Another wasted breath,
Again it goes unnoticed.

Please tell me you're
Just feeling tired
'cause if it's more than
That I feel that I might break
Out of touch, out of time.
Please send me anything
But signals that are mixed
Cause I can't read
Your rolling eyes
Out of touch,
Are we out of time?

Close lipped
Another goodnight kiss
Is robbed of all it's passion,
Your grip
Another time, is slack
It leaves me feeling empty.

I'll wait until tomorrow
Maybe you'll feel better then
Maybe we'll be better then
So what's another day
When I can't bear
These nights of thoughts
Of going on without you
This mood of yours is temporary
It seems worth the wait
To see your smile again
Out of the corner of your eye
Won't be the only way
You'll look at me then

contrary to the song,, im actually happy being 'unnoticed',, it’s not like I didn’t try at all!

It Was Easter (darksis!)

It was easter Sunday and I went to starbucks too meet my kada from high school. We collectively call ourselves “darksisters” (but it was originally called 'Montiel'). We’ve been together for 4years now (well, I’ve been w/ them for 3years though since I’m a new student when we were in 3^rd yr). It’s sad to know that we get to meet each other once in a while only since we’re all in college already (except for kats, but she will be soon!).

We decided to meet up to celebrate our day *15* (our anniversary is Feb.15), but yesterday was 16, so it was a belated celebration. Nine of us came, peby, kats, meg (w/ her bf nathan), joyce, fetoo, zai, kevin, rexzy & yours truly. The main thing that made this day special was the time when kats initiated to finally say something about the never ending fight between rexzy & kevin over zai. It’s almost a year since this brawl started. I mean, we’re a group, and this is not healthy. It didn’t started well though but as both sides was heard, and resolutions were somehow laid on the table, big smiles and deafening laughter finally came out.

Those left (me, joyce, zai, fetoo kevin and rexzy) decided to go to Off D Grill. Argh, the country song is irritating, the heat was infuriating and we just really have to leave. We transferred to Pier1, rexzy, kevin and zai ordered food while the rest preferred to drink. It was kuya joff who assisted us (whatever, hehe). It was nice to look at them, in one table full of laughter. It’s really been a long time since we got to share stories without any feeling of awkwardness and hesitations. We’ve blabbed about stories of wistfulness, to college life, and practically to everything funny and good source of gag.

Finally, we decided to go home, and I guess everything turned out well. As rexzy puts it, let them be ‘casual friends’, and I agree, it’s safer that way. I just hope that there is still some room for forgiveness, and I know there is… pride should be over and done.

I love you darksis, and though I’ve met a lot of kadas after high school, though I’ve had my own kada after high school… those in my high school days can still never be replaced. We are beautiful and we are judged, we are stubborn yet we have matured (I hope), but the ‘cute’ laughter and ‘sweet’ tears we’ve shared is what’s important.

It was Easter Sunday, and we celebrated a friendship reborn.

AFTER A WHILE

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesnt mean leaning and
company doesnt mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses arent contracts
and presents arent promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats with your
head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an
adult, not the grief of a child, And you learn to build
all your roads on today because tomorrows
ground is too uncertain for plans.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if
you get too much.
So plant your own garden and decorate your own
soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you
flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
That you really are strong, and you really do have
worth.
And you learn and you learn
with every good-bye you learn!

LOVE STORY OF A BAD BOY

May.14, 2004

>… I was introduced by my friend to Mr. Gian Karl Legarda. Actually, he was called Poknat by almost everyone he knows (since he have one, and has been kalbo or semi-kal ever since, so it’s pretty obvious plus he’s really fair skinned). My 1st impression you might ask? Typical bad boy, digging chicks and racing cars, smoking weed and present to all sorts of frat fights!

November 27, 2004

… Poknat with some of his friends and I went to Sibil. This was those times when both of us got close already and he has been my kalokohan buddy since then.

December 15, 2004

… Just a day after a break-up, Poknat was there to be my comfort zone w/c is the least person I expected to help me since he’s really not your usual ‘shoulder to cry on’ guy!

This was also the time when he became my ‘honey’,, nah, we just started calling each other hon that time for kalokohan purposes as usual ;-P

January 01, 2005

… He asked me if he could court me, and I said yes...

But my bad, I went in to a relationship 18 days after, and it’s not with him. He still waited. I had another relationship (short term), again it’s not with him… but he still waited.

May 24, 2005

… Me and his friends decided to drink at Cholo’s house since everybody’s bored and yeah, most of us are depressed that time! When some of us started getting dizzy and all, we decided to stop the session for a while. I chose to sit on the floor while listening to heart wrenching songs which probably made us more drunk and depressed.

Poknat seated right next to me, even though I know that he’s still mad for letting him court me for how many months while I was happy having my ‘own’ relationships. I’m quiet, he’s irritating! He keeps on singing the songs played as if he was directly telling it to me word by word. At last, someone broke the ice… he started asking me if I’m okay (pa-concern effect), and I acknowledged his concern by honestly saying no.

He started initiating questions which revealed every hurt that I feel at that time. And as usual, he became my comfort zone again, and again, and again. He gave me advices about the pains I’ve felt on my previous relationships, even if I know that this hurts and humiliates him a lot. He was kind enough to let me cry on his shoulders (literally), and hugged me as tightly as he could possibly hug every pain I’m experiencing that moment. And right that very second that I looked into his eyes, I saw and felt him taking away all those pains, he was hurting too like I never imagined he would!

I started realizing what a fool I am for not recognizing his love right from the start. I started crying not for my past but for the times I’ve hurt him. And I started wishing that he would ask me again… to be his girlfriend. Minutes passed… and he didn’t ask me. Not until we stood up to drink water! He whispered to himself (which I could perfectly hear) while helping me stand up: “Kung ako na lang kasi yung sinagot eh no? Tanga tanga kasi eh,tsk2 ”! I didn’t waste anytime, I looked at him and told him: “Ikaw na nga sasagutin ko eh, para di na ako tanga… ok lang ba?” while flashing my shy smile =)

At first he couldn’t believe what I said so I repeated it loudly and clearly so that he can finally answer my question and make it official (huh? At ako ang nag-propose?hehe). Of course he said that I could answer him already, then we both hugged, after that he ran into the living room where everybody’s probably dreaming already and shouted: “KAMI NA!!! FINALLY, AFTER 5 MONTHS OF WAITING!!! TOL GISING KAYO, PUTA NAMAN OH, SUPPORT NAMAN!!!” He successfully woke them up, and since almost everyone’s recharged already… we continued drinking, but this time, with a celebration, hehe!

October 03, 2005

… We’ve been together for 4 ½ months already, but suddenly he asked for a cool-off (hello, like it’s really helpful). But I respected his decision. We didn’t have much communication for 3 long weeks, I didn’t noticed how time pass by. For all I know, he’s unfair for making such decisions (he didn’t told me his reason).

October 24, 2005

… Just in time for our 5^th monthsary, we decided to fix things up. He told me that he read a friendster message of mine to a friend (since he knows my password) which says how sad I am on how our relationship was going. All my complaints about him was there on that message, and he read it! I told my friend that Poks is slowly being possessive and narrow minded, so he decided to give me space and so that he could also ponder on his attitude change. But the cool-off resulted to a sin he said he didn’t really wanna do =’(

I didn’t cry when he confessed it to me (it’s gonna be our lil secret, hehe). I just listened to him on the other line. I don’t wanna cry… coz I don’t wanna believe everything he said! I forgave him though it’s hard. I love him and I understand him. The distance probably made him do that (that’s what he said). And after weeks of not seeing each other, how can I not miss him… so I chose not to be mad!

Our relationship went well. Yes, there have been a lot of fights, misunderstandings, tears and wounds. But we’ve been together for how many months, I don’t wanna let those things get in our way. There our times when I miss the old him, but I still appreciate who he is. Every monthsary was a memorable one. He surprises me with all those sweet gifts. I just don’t wanna let go, I weigh in the pros and the cons, and forcefully put the high mark on the pros to lessen my hesitations!

But maybe even on how much you love a person, if the hurting is too much, no matter how you understand the situation… your grip will slowly give in! I decided to break up with him. December 24 is our 7th monthsary, next day Christmas, there’s no way I can do this! Again, I held on to my grip and just patiently waited for a miracle… that everything will be back to normal...

January 03, 2006

… Fresh from Baguio (where he spent the holidays), he fetched me in school and we went to the mall. At the back of my mind, I know that I should break up with him. But damn, how we missed each other so much!

Going home, he asked me how my Christmas vacation was sarcastically (he was pertaining to the parties I’ve gone to), and I have no idea why does he have to be so sarcastic most of the time! We started having an argument in the cab. We started shouting at each other not minding the driver. I just wanna cry! I told myself, that’s it… this has got to end now! I told the driver to drop us in starbucks (can’t think of any place at all). He continued being sarcastic and pinpointing every wrong move I’ve done!

When we arrived in starbucks (UN), it’s a weird thing that he suddenly became his old self and started joking me… desperately making me laugh (hmm, maybe he sensed my plan, I dunno!). And that’s it, while drinking our favorite frappe and lighting a cigarette, I uttered the words: “ayoko na, pagod na ko, we need a break-up… ngayon na! ” He smiled, telling me how corny and dramatic I was. I looked at him and was really pissed off, I almost shouted, but fine, I’m gonna disgrace myself if I do. I explained everything, I don’t wanna be unfair to him, I want him to be aware on every reason why I was provoked to make this decision. In the end, I still reminded him that it has nothing to do with me not loving him anymore, but it’s about me not happy with the love I’m feeling already! He kept quiet the whole time, he still didn’t wanna believe, but I forced him to.

On our way to my house was the longest trip I had with him. Usually when he’s gonna accompany me home (whether he brought a car or from a cab), he would only drop me near our house and not exactly in front of our gate. But that time, I asked him to go down near our house, and walk with me from the gate. We said our goodbyes while avoiding tears from falling. I told him to go already but he insisted me to get in our house first before he leaves, but I said no. I said that I don’t wanna be the one to turn my back up to the last time we’re together. I want him to turn his back on me. And as he was walking away, I just looked at him… slowly his image fades away from the dim street. I went in our house crying, but I know I made the right decision, I love him… but I’m just tired. I love him… but it’s not making me any stronger. I love him… but it’s making me lonelier. I love him… but it doesn’t make me happy anymore! =’(

Jan.07, 2006

...It’s the 2yr. old bday of Pok’s nephew. His family invited me a day before (my god, he didn’t told them yet!). I said yes coz I also wanna be with his family even for the last time. Poks met me in an LRT station nearest to san juan (where he lives). We went to the party pretending to be a sweet couple. Smiling at each other when we really just wanna cry. Introducing me to his other relatives as his girlfriend and then whispering to me afterwards: “mamimiss ko to… introducing you as my girlfriend”. His sister was a wedding planner and even announced: “Hay nako, ako ang magha-handle sa kasal nitong 2”! After that incident, I asked him to lend me his car key or just accompany me inside the car. We both sat quietly in the car while smoking a cigarette. He asked me what’s the matter, and I just started crying. I told him that I can’t stand it anymore. Seeing his family so supportive on our relationship, and there I was, gave up already. He hugged me and wiped my tears. I stayed in the party as a sign of respect. I bravely became an actress to a role I am not fitted anymore. And as I was about to leave, I hugged his parents and siblings (and kuya ken’s gf w/c became so close to me already). I’m gonna miss them!

…tomorrow will be a month after we broke up. Tomorrow will be exactly one month since I let go. It was his bday yesterday (Feb.1) and my bday 3 days ago (Jan.30), we could have celebrated it together. Jan.24 was supposedly our 8th monthsary, we could have gone out and have dinner together. Feb.14, Valentines day, we could have been one of the couples celebrating love. This was all what could have been, what should have been… but everything’s never had been anymore.

Hon (we decided to still call each other honey until one of us gets in a relationship again), I always wanna thank you for letting out my capabilities to love a person unselfishly. Thank you coz from January to present… you loved me despite unconsciously hurting you. I’ll never forget how you never fail to make me laugh whenever you dance the gigolo steps, or how you mimic your older sister whenever he scolds at you. I’ll never forget the times when you patiently taught me how to park a car, to play the guitar and a lil drums, to play billiards and most of all, I’ll never forget how you taught me basketball… you’re my favorite playmate! I’ll always remember how loud you cheer whenever I earn a 3-point shot. You never fail to flatter me whenever you whisper: “galeng ng hon coh” everytime I sing and either you or mackoy plays the guitar. How can I forget surprises, unexpected gifts, sweet comments and lovely smiles whenever I’m down.

Yes, you’ve been a pain in the ass, but I hope I’ve changed you somehow or another. You told me yesterday if you could still wait… I said no. Poks how many times do you have to wait? I don’t want history to repeat itself. Just be thankful that at least, for 7 ½ months, we’ve been together, nothing to wait for anything anymore. And remember, love doesn’t make people wait, if you love someone then you shouldn’t play with time and promises… and that’s exactly what I’m doing!

I hope I taught you many things, like being brave. You’re not brave by all the fights you’ve gone to. By all the punches you made and received, I never saw you brave at those times. I always told you to face your problems, never, and I mean never, expect beer and weed to help you. Oh by the way, I’m not a rehab, just bec.you didn’t take any weed at those times that we’re together, it doesn’t mean that I’m the reason for it. The thing is, you just don’t have any reason for taking one. Even now, it’s not a reason, just be brave hon… don’t want you to be the bad boy again?!

Sorry for everything… almost one month, and we’re slowly getting farther and farther from each other. I never wanna hurt you, but that’s what loving is all about. I have also forgiven you despite all the emotional and physical hurt this relationship has caused me, don’t worry, I don’t regret anything at all. My life gets lovelier and complete whenever I hear ‘I love you’ from you. The pain’s all worth it, this made me love you more… but we just have to let it all burn. I want you to love someone who can bring out all the best in you. I want you be the happy Gian that I’ve met before. Take good care of yourself honey coh. It’s okay if you still don’t wanna make friends with me. I know that somewhere, somehow, whenever that is… you’ll be my unexpected comfort zone and my shoulder to cry on again… just like I never imagined a typical bad boy would do! =)