Saturday, August 17, 2013

GIVE YOUR HEART A BREAK

It's 18 today (Manila time). The lines here are almost perfect, but the 9th and 10th line hit the most. Right?:)

Thank you for appreciating me at my lowest. For knowing me despite uncertainties. For making me feel loved and important, for saving me.

I was browsing some few skype conversations and I was so insensitive not to notice one of your messages: "You are not very vocal and I understand, but maybe one of these days, you could use your blog to write about me". And then I wondered now, are you even checking my Tumblr? Lol.

But anyway, here's a challenge for you. I believe somewhere or another you'll get to read this, so here it goes:

You've probably known me at that moment when trusting someone has been VERY difficult - you didn't give up. You didn't even judge me, you didn't even force me to speak up about my past. You just proved yourself worthy.

You are not the kind of guy who can join me and my 'sociable activities' as how you call it - but you stepped out of your comfort zone and even applied my 'party tips' there in NY. I was kinda amused when I saw your photos. 

You are the type who eats a lot, which makes me happy because you exceed my appetite, which lessens my insecurities for being chubby... err... voluptuous. 

You work hard and would always strive to be the best that sometimes other people may misunderstood you. You made me realize the value of being brave on making tough decisions...

Decisions... if there's one thing I admire about you, that is you have always been brave. Leaving your past work, fighting for me, leaving the country, it's overwhelming. 

I am sorry for being quiet. For not being able to tell you words you want to hear. For making you feel taken for granted. I just probably lost that faith on love and trust somewhere along the way. I made you a casualty of a past battle. I am sorry.

Thank you for all the time and effort, both when you were here and now that you're there. Right now, I just feel undeserving of your love. I'll be dealing with myself here, I'll try to ponder on things, and I know you have your own struggle there too. I hope our little conversations can compensate your homesickness and stress at work. Though I know they're not enough. 

I am sorry for being less of what I should be as a partner. You have no idea how I am dealing with it now. 

Lastly, if certain circumstances happen to us, to you or to me, we both know it's part of God's plans. Please take good care of yourself there. Don't drink too much, and I know you don't. I am happy to meet your party friends there though, but like I told them, work hard then play not a little too hard after, LOL. 

Thank you again and happy day to us!