"...? "

How much do you treasure a past? How can a person affect you so much that you’ve spent two years of your life having different relationships, but still, yes still… you know it’s still him. How many times have you tried burning the bridges down? How long can you stand the endless impossibilities of that moment to happen again?

What is the purpose of a person investing his / her feelings for someone, only to find out that it’s not gonna be reciprocated at all. What is the bottom line of two individuals showing same affection, yet are questioned by their own feelings. What do you do when all you’ve done is to make him a better man, only to find out that you made yourself less of a person?

Where will I begin to start the many reasons on why I think he’s special? Where do you go when he starts to love someone new? Where did we stop and where did all these feelings started… again. Where am I in your heart, and where do I stand in your life?

Why do we always end up sending sweet messages yet we are only friends now. Why can I not know the reasons on why you’re still here, I lost you but not really. Why did I met you, remembering the very day you were introduced to me, I can’t help but ask myself… why did I fell for that one in a hundred smile.

When will something so special happen again? When do I tell you that I miss you, and this time you’ll believe it? When will I hug that special boy who made me realize that true enough, embraces are much sweeter than kisses. When can I hear from him that he appreciates me, even just the appreciation, that will do, he doesn’t have to love me.

Who is he, carrying the smile of a boy and the eyes of a lover? Who is that special someone that made me strong, made me selfless, and made me so happy all at the same time? Who is that boy I’ve asked God to take care of, that boy I will never forget, that boy who I believe will turn out to be a brave man after all.

Who is he and why do I miss him? When will I see him again and what will happen after? Where do we go from here and how will all these end?

“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day. Letters to a Young Poet”

PS: as I write this, a message was sent to me from that special boy… he said he miss me =)

OVERLOADED LESSONS IN COLLEGE LIFE

Sorry I wasn’t able to share my thoughts for a while; our computer needs to be reformat. Yeah some of my files were lost. The pictures were a-ok but, argh, my iTunes is gone! All the songs were gone! So much for my ipod =(

Anyway, that is the least of my concern, well not actually, I already have tons of songs on my ipod… damn… buhbye =( But the worst worry right now is my incoming semester when I enrolled 2 days ago and finally got my subjects.

I’ll give a little background first. I transferred school last school yr. but only stayed there for 1^st sem (because my mom thinks that this school will just worsen my tardiness) and so I went back to my old school for 2^nd sem. Whew, I missed a lot of subjects alright! Almost all of their subjects for 1^st sem became my back subjects, tell me… HOW AM I ABLE TO GRADUATE NOW?? =(

Because of that case, the very cool Ms. Lucero decided to put me to the section of the lower yrs. so that I can get their subjects and at the same time take my other 2 majors from my original batch. Yup yup, it was OVERLOADING… 32 UNITS… 40 thousand plus pesosesoses!!! For those who aren’t in college yet, this number of units is synonymous to headache, nosebleed, or suicide… depending on your capacity. Whew, I do hope it’s not suicide for me!

Honestly I’m scared, my main problem as a student is time management. Yes I am always late, and just when I thought the storm has ended, it rained again… I have 2 subjects with a 7AM schedule – BOTH MAJOR SUBJECTS. Ms. Lucero also said that if I fail even just one subject, there’s a possibility that they’d de-load me, meaning they would cut some of my units right in the middle of the semester… waaaah! God help me! Okay, for those who are asking why I let this happen, simple… this is the only way that I can graduate on time, see, I was supposed to be wearing a toga last march already. I guess my 1^st semester isn’t gonna be a splendid carousel after all, a dreadful roller coaster perhaps! I have no idea how I can possibly sustain a love life with that schedule. Well not that I am putting that on my priorities, but admit it, an inspiration may be of good help right?

I am starting to be cynical; I hope I can make it. For those who are only starting college, don’t ever dare to play around with your grades. This is close to the real world, you can’t just give an apple to the teacher to give you incentives. Be punctual, it didn’t became a habit for me… look what happened! Modesty aside but teachers always get disappointed because despite my academic capabilities, my records fail because of either disciplinary reasons (high school days) or attendance (college days).

I want to graduate, but I still want to be a student. It’s stressful, it’s a weekly dilemma… to gimmick or to study… to drink or to read… to pursue a lover or to push a goal. Hmm, brain freeeezeee! Hard to answer!

I guess whenever we will encounter these dilemmas though, always remember Bob Ong’s message:

"Mag-aral maigi. Kung titigil ka sa pag-aaral, manghihinayang ka pagtanda mo dahil hindi mo naranasan ang kakaibang ligayang dulot ng mga araw na walang pasok o suspendido ang klase o absent ang teacher. (Haaay, sarap!)."

Ooops, I think he has a better advice than this…=S

"Nalaman kong marami palang libreng lecture sa mundo, ikaw ang gagawa ng syllabus. Maraming teacher sa labas ng eskuwelahan, desisyon mo kung kanino ka magpapaturo. Lahat tayo enrolled ngayon sa isang university, maraming subject na mahirap, pero dahil libre, ikaw ang talo kung nag-drop ka. Isa-isa tayong ga-graduate, iba't-ibang paraan. tanging diploma ay ang mga alaala ng kung ano mang tulong o pagmamahal ang iniwan natin sa mundong pinangarap nating baguhin minsan..."

There you go! I need not explain what the best option to consider is =)

BILIB AKO SAYO

SA MAGALING KONG EKIS NA BOYFRIEND
dahel sayo tinangka kong itigil na ang maganda ko pa lang buhay. para akong baliw na sinugatan ang sarili ko dahel LANG sa BIGLA mong pagkawala at dahel din sa katotohanang baka NABUNTIS mo nga ako. bilib ako sayo!
SA MGA DALAGANG INA
dahel PINANINDIGAN nyo yan. ako ngayon di ko alam kung kakayanin kong ituloy to, ayoko, marame pa kong dapat gawen, gusto ko muna makatapos! ang galing nyo, di man ninyo kagustuhan mabuntis ng maaga ay PINILI nyong buhayin ang nandyan na. bilib ako sayo!
SA MGA KAIBIGAN KO
dahel di kayo nagsasawa, di kayo napapagod, ano mang katangahan ang pasukin ko ay di nyo ko iniwan at alam ko na kapag nagtangka akong ipalaglag ang bata ay siguradong babatukan nyo ko dahel gusto nyong gawen ko ang TAMA at nararapat. bilib ako sayo!
SA SARILI KO
dahel ang tapang tapang ko makipag-siping sa WALANG KWENTANG lalaki tapos ngayon matatakot ako mabuntis! ang LAKAS NG LOOB kong pasukin to kahet di ko kaya mag-alaga ng bata dahel sarili ko nga di ko kaya alagaan. bilib ako sayo!
SA DIYOS
dahel isa Ka ren sa di naririnding pakinggan ang mga panalangin ko. dahel kahet kailan di Mo ko pinabayaan at di mo ko binigo. Ikaw ang naging sandalan ko kahet marami pang iba ang sumasandal sayo. dahel naniniwala ka paren na pwede pa ko magbago.. kaya sinagot mo ang dasal ko... oo, salamat... DINATNAN na ako! salamat, sobrang na-delayed lang talaga ako! salamat!

sa mga nagbabasa nito na kasalukuyang nagdadalang-tao, bilib ako sayo... dahel ALAM KONG ITUTULOY MO YAN... itutuloy mo yan diba? oo ituloy mo yan, tandaan mo... LAHAT kame bibilib sayo!

belated happy mother's day... lalong lalo na sa nanay ko... nakakabilib ka 'ma!

(Lacoste perfume nga pala regalo ko sa nanay ko... pasensya na kailangan ko talaga isingit yun... proud ako dun noh, bihira ko lang gawin yun eh)

THIS BAD HABIT!

ARGH! My mom's in Boracay, my brothers are not here at home, and it’s raining really hard outside! The problem is: I HAVE NO WAY TO GET EVEN A STICK OF CIGARETTE! Shox, cigarette… I need YOSI! I can’t make poo poo without it, haha, seriously it helps *but I’m not telling you guys to try it*. I’ve been smoking since I was in high school, god it has been a habit already. I would smoke during vacants, in the cr, after classes, during gimmicks, just chillin’, and basically anywhere and anytime that my throat feels like puffing. THIS IS BAD! I know of course, how many times have I read and seen the effects (hundred and millions of effects, bad effects) of smoking to our body. But the thing is… it’s addictive, not that I don’t want to quit though, I want to but I can’t. WANT AND CAN’T… ONE OF THE HARDEST IRONIES IN LIFE, HAI!
I already checked my brother’s room, no yosi; it’s flooding outside, how am I able to buy yosi! Guess what, its 10pm and I haven’t taken a bath yet… I need my yosi first! This is not good, help me stop this; help me… help me stop the rain so I can buy yosi… hahaha!

IT'S OFFICIAL... I AM TAKEN...

He is my boyfriend. He came into my life unexpectedly, I mean yes we can’t really expect someone to come into our lives, but to rephrase it: he came and touched my life surprisingly.

It was happiness, not bliss. It was challenging, not exciting. It was, or maybe, an answered prayer, yet incomplete. And like the quote says, he ended my sad story… but I’m afraid he’ll start another one.

Right now I really can’t define what a boyfriend should be; I can’t defend how a girlfriend is supposed to be. Am I doing it right? Is he worthy to be my significant other? Does he love me? I really don’t know! I’m so frustrated, I am in a relationship right now… but I don’t think I’m THAT happy. The wrong thing is I didn’t give myself the chance to get to know him better… but what’s new? I have been like this ever since, I believe that courtship isn’t necessary. I tell him I love him, my mind says yes, but there’s a little spark in my heart that seems to beat reluctantly. There are so many questions, questions that I shouldn’t be minding this soon.

A good friend told me a little background about him… NEGATIVE. Yup, I never heard a single good definition of him! I went to the comfort room the moment I knew about this, I cried, I was scared… wrong guy again?? There is no right guy actually, but I know that there is a BETTER one. He’s not that sweet, sometimes I can’t help but doubt him, and I just can’t trust him now… it’s too early! Why on earth did I put myself in this situation, I am now battling with my words, actions, and presumptions. Do I mean the ‘I love you’? Do I feel relief hugging him? Can I go on a day without doubting him? Well guess what, I am not just questioning him… I am even questioning myself too.

I have a boyfriend… that’s it… I can’t conclude further. I can’t say I’m in bliss, I’m excited, and I’m complete… that this is a happy story. I love him, I think I do… I always try to convince him that I love him… and maybe I’ll convince myself next time too. I am still yearning for that feeling of undefined happiness, I am still longing for that moment when all I could think about is how blessed I am to be loved by someone so worth it.

I DON’T KNOW HIM YET. I am in this relationship where i am afraid to wake up each day thinking that it will end right then and there. I suppose this is foolishness, but I’ve made up my mind, I’m willing to fight. Whoever he turns out to be, I won’t surrender, and this is my only defense… MY WORDS. I said I love him, and so I’ll prove it. Commitment is what I learned from my past and rubbish relationships.

I have a boyfriend… and I haven’t met HIM yet… wish me luck!

PA-BURGER KA NAMAN!

GOT SOOOOO BORED THAT I MADE MYSELF A BURGER... WHAT'S WORSE?? I EVEN TOOK PICTURES OF IT... HAHAHA! BURGER BURGER BURGER!

AMERICAN IDOL'S DAVID COOK... FEED ME!!!

C'MON HE'S MY NUMBER ONE BET FOR THIS SEASON'S AMERICAN IDOL... DAVID COOK'S HOT... sooooo hot (at least for me... again)... but i guess many would agree since the votes are still kicking for him =D

!!! he's a wonderful guitarist, but not very good at Guitar Hero.
!!! he has a left arm tattoo and a left handed as well..
!!! he's a word nerd. he likes to do crossword puzzles and word searches.
!!! his bday is december 20, 1983... not too old for me =D
!!! The "AC" on his guitar is actually a tribute to his older brother



His brothers' names are Andrew and Adam. The AC is for Adam.
!!! he dislikes "almost any vegetable" (tsk2... but i love veggies) =(
!!! hates to listen to his own music
!!! played on his high school baseball team (kewl!)
!!! he has a crush on Mandy Moore, but he's never really been interested in her music (good... kiddin')
!!! was born with a disease called poloricstinosis (wutever dat is,,haha)
!!! he almost always wears a key on a string around his neck (among other things). Sometimes he ties it around his wrist like a bracelet.
!!! his middle name is Roland by the way (nice one right?? i mean does anyone like their middle name? i dont! )
AFTER DAUGHTRY.... HERE COMES MY NEW AMERICAN IDOL LOVE... COOK!!! NAH.... ID STILL GO FOR DAUGHTRY.... HEHE!
BUT STILL VOTE FOR OOOKKKKK????!!!!!!

I REMEMBER NOKIA...

I MISS YOU NOKIA... I AM TELLING MY FRIENDS STUFFS ABOUT YOU, HOPE YOU DON'T MIND... HAI...

KAILAN BA?

Kailan ba masasabing ang ginagawa mo ay tama at ang ginagawa mo ay mali? Kapag nakaramdam ka ba ng pagsisisi o ng panghihinayang? Minsan naisip ko, sana di ko na lang to sinubukan, na sana di ko na lang pinansin ang magandang ihip ng hangin. Oo, hinayaan ko ang sarili kong liparin ng isang hanging ni minsan ay di saken sinabing iiwan din pala nya ko sa ere!

Ilang beses ko ba kailangan hilingin sa Diyos na bigyan pa KAME ng isa pang pagkakataon? Ilang gabi pa ba ang kailangan lumipas bago dumating ang araw na magkikita kame muli? Naghihintay… naghihintay… naghihintay… sa wala?! Para akong tanga: tinitignan ang mga letrato nya, binabasa ng paulit-ulit ang mga mensahe nya, pinapakinggan ang mga kantang nagpapaalala sa kanya, pati mga lugar na konektado sa kanya, binibigyan ko naren ng importansya! Sapat na ba yon? Kuntento na ba kong paulit-ulit na gawin yon? Syempre hinde… pero may karapatan PA BA kong humakbang papunta sa mundo nya? Ang gulo, sa totoo lang ang labo, sino ba nagsabe saken na maramdaman ko to? Sya ba o ako? Utak ko ba o ang puso? Kinakausap ko na sarili ko, mukhang malala na to! Anong magagawa ko… eh kahet naman ata kayo di nyo kaya sagutin mga problema nyo eh… aasa pa ba ko?

Ang tanging gusto ko lang naman eh makita ko sya ule… syempre aaminin ko, gusto ko sana handa ako… mahirap nang magpakita na mukha akong natalo ng ilang beses. Ilang beses nga ba ako natalo? Hmm… ah ewan! Kailangan ko syang makita uli, labo eh, kasi di ko makuha yung eksaktong dahilan kung bakit, basta ang alam ko… gusto ko magpapansin! Naman, uso sa mga babae yan, ilang beses dadaan sa harap ng kung sinong nakaraan nya, para lang ipakitang “hoy, maganda tong iniwan mo no!” Ang tanong, may pakialam pa kaya sila? O sadyang bulag na sila na kahet magsayaw ka pa ng hubad sa harapan nila eh dededmahin ka parin? Minsan ang gulo ng mga lalake, kadalasan madaya, pero ang mga babae, palaging tanga yan… alam na ngang loko loko, bumibigay paren… oo isa akong certified tanga! Di ko alam kung nalabas ko ng maigi yung nararamdaman ko, sanay kasi ako magdrama nang pa-inggles eh… it’s hard, no matter what I do… ah leche, ganon paren… malungkot paren, english o tagalog, matamlay paren!

Di ko na kailangan malaman kung kailan masasabing tama ba o mali ang ginagawa ko, usapang puso to eh… kahet mali pa yan… onting pakipot lang, bibigay din tayo (o anong iniisip nyo jan? tsk2)… basta ang alam ko eh nagsisisi at nanghihinayang ako! Bukas, sa susunod na linggo, o buwan o taon, ni minsan di ko na malalaman kung tama ba o mali ang ginawa ko… wala naren naman sya dba? Kaya di naren siguro importanteng malaman pa yon!

eh kailan naman ba masasabing tama o mali ang taong pinili nyo?

palagay ko kasi yung akin mali eh…

bakit mali?

ewan…

basta kailangan nya maging mali

PRESENTING R'MEO LUVS DEWLHIETT

after CCP, eto naman!
im so happy to be included in this production though... actually di talaga aq part ng original cast, i was just requested to guest & replace nica's role 'Mrs.Montesco', ang palengkerang nanay ni Romeo...and no regrets na tinanggap q ung role =D

R'MEO LUVS DEWLHIETT

THE TAGALOG / JOLOGS VERSION OF ROMEO LOVES JULIET! FUNNY FROM START TO END (walang kokontra) haha =P

i played mrs.montesco (mother of romeo), mercutio (cousin of romeo) and sakristan...whew!!!

hai...its over... pwede na magpahinga... hehe...

WARMING UP

DRESS TECH REHEARSAL, NANGINGIALAM BACKSTAGE =P

DRESSING ROOM

SKETCH OF MRS. MONTESCO

CAST PICTURE FOR THE PROD. BOOK

NOW WITH OUR TECHNICAL STAFF

ADMIT IT... YOU MISS HIM =(

I can’t believe I’m missin’ him, I can’t believe I’ll be affected. I tried so hard to shake him off my thoughts, to convince myself that nothing changed. I wake up not minding whether he’ll text me or not, I go to school not worrying about him at all. Yeah, I faked everything up, and still faking it somehow. “It’s wrong, he’s wrong… he’s not worth of my attention…!” Argh!!! Why can’t I sway it into my ears directly to my mind… and eventually into my heart?! WHAT’S WITH YOU? ALL I KNOW IS THAT YOU SHOWED EXTRA AFFECTION… HOW VULNERABLE CAN I BE?!

I miss you soooooo much, I miss you smiling, joking, caring, singing, flirting, everything! I cried for you again… this is the 3^rd time… and this is the most painful one. Why? Coz he’ll be gone soon, he’ll be stepping out of college, he’ll be different, he’ll progress, and he won’t remember anything about me anymore. I know some dislike him, I am aware of that. But I supposed he changed. I still can’t further understand his way of thinking; I am still confused with his words, with his actions, with his looks, but one thing’s for sure… I know I had a room in that vague heart. For couple of years of being “friends”, I can say that I did become a part of his life. Maybe it’s something that only we can understand, maybe it’s not worth the talk, and maybe it’s not worth the tears. Nevertheless, I want him to know that HE MADE A MARK TOO, I don’t love you… but I miss you, AND IF YOU’D ALLOW ME TO LOVE YOU DESPITE THE DOUBTS… THEN I WILL!

There are so many actions left undone, and given the chance, I wouldn’t waste any time. I’m sorry if as if I didn’t change… but shit… I did! Open your eyes, I am not who I am before! If it’s that hard for you to accept my bad habits, then I will omit everything that infuriates you. I am sorry for the lack of trust, for questioning you, for doubting you.

It’s hard to keep our story private; it’s hard to shut my mouth regarding our ending. I’m hurt coz honestly I am yearning for your messages, your call, your voice, your touch… YOUR PRESENCE! Are you mad? How are you since the last time we hugged? Do you miss me? DO YOU NEED ME AT ALL??

J U S T O N E M E S S A G E… PLEASE… ONE MESSAGE FROM YOU… AND I’LL DO WHAT IS LEFT
U N D O N E.

OUR NOKIA DIED ='(

she has been our bunso for 8years...

her death was expected actually, she already lost appetite and has been weak ever since. Nokia is my witness for all the heartbreaks I’ve gone through, yes… from the very first time I fell in love and had my heart broken… she was there. I’ve always believe that we can share our hard feelings to our dogs, that’s why I always hug Nokia every time I cry. She never fails me, every time I would cry she is there beside me (literally), as if she could really understand me… but maybe she does? I remembered the week before she died, I was crying over ‘F’ in Tuctang’s room because it’s almost Valentine’s Day and got sentimental over him. I was surprised to see Nokia peeking in, she doesn’t enters Tuctang’s room that’s why it’s surprising that she went in, and right then and there, I hugged her… she felt my pain again.

She died around 1am, February 19, I’m not at home that time, and I am still celebrating our CCP performance. When I went home, that’s when I knew Nokia died. We thought she would give up that Saturday, but she didn’t… instead she died the next day… right after my CCP performance. Till the very end, she still supported me, she knew that I wouldn’t get to focus on the performance if she died first, and hell yeah, I know I couldn’t.

The next morning was like a funeral when she was buried at our backyard. BYE NOKIA… WE ALL LOVE YOU… I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET YOU FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE… LOVE YAH BUNSO =’(

PS: I was the one who named her Nokia since we got her when the Nokia phone craze started.

CCP HERE I COME!

FOR THE BROCHURESOME CASTS

AYUN OH!HAHA!

DRESSING ROOM

i am so lucky to pass the audition for CCP's Dalagang Bukid. I first audition to Sir Santillana, the director, then to Dr. Lopez, the musical coach of the said zarzuela.

though i did miss my social life since the practices started, (we are not allowed to make any absences, or else!), the friendship i gained on the rehearsals is more than enough =D not just that... performing in CCP is the greater deal here!

hai, finally it's show time! there are 3 groups of performers: Comparsa, Dalagang Bukid then Opera, which will all perform for the 3pm and 8pm gala night.

i wont forget our curtain call, jeymee, arvic, borja and i just made fun of it! we were making funny antics while the names of the performers were being recognized...
aaaw...kakamiss pala! 8D

SHE BENGS!!!

OW YEAH THE BANGS FEVER IS BACK
GO DORA! GO DORA! HAHAHA!

ALMOST THERE...

I don’t know why I’m hurt; I don’t know why I miss him… tell me… is it all about lust?

It’s not supposed to be this way… I didn’t expect to feel something but I did. Don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely not love but I was happy when I’m with him. Every time we sit together in front of their house and talking about anything that makes sense, I feel this certain happiness. I feel secure when I’m with him, I mean with the 5’11 height and I must say, a good physique (a gym buff) how can I not feel protected right?

But then again I never planned to give any affection. He courted me for 2 months and after that… after those 2 months… that’s when I became oblivious that I was already showing some motive towards him - but motive for what? I don’t love him but I’m happy he found me. It’s like I’m at the edge of a cliff, not sure if I’m ready to fall.

I know I’m confused… I didn’t know what I want… and yet I made a wrong move! It was supposed to be just one ordinary night, one usual night together… until I agreed to go up to his room. It’s not the typical conversation anymore, not the typical casual talks, not the usual scene where both of us are smoking outside their place or him meeting up with me in the middle of the night (we are neighbors) just to talk for hours. There were more actions and less talk. This time it’s not just about affection, but intimacy. I also wanted to do it that night, I agreed and felt happy. I thought that was the start of it… of me finally giving it a try… and him falling deeper. Ray of yellow light from the other house gave that night a more romantic touch. Simple whispers and playful jest made it sweeter. I’d be honest, I didn’t said yes when he asked if we can be a couple already, but only for the reasons that I’m still confused and secondly, of all the right timings… why does it have to be on the moment when both of us are naked! Yet I was hugging him tightly… I missed the feeling of being intimate with someone that you could call your own (I’m not a 3^rd party this time! Damn you AMT!!), and sleeping beside someone who doesn’t want to let go of your hands. On the second thought, he’s still not mine yet, I still didn’t say yes… but I really thought, or assumed maybe, that we were almost there!

We were almost there, we were almost the couple, we were almost… but no, not ‘we were’… I was almost falling for him! But things changed, the wind blew hard, the whole night was silent, and I felt cold. Fewer messages and less efforts, where are we now? I didn’t know what to think; all I know is that I felt something that I shouldn’t feel… I sensed pain. He noticed my cold treatment towards him and I confirmed through text the reason why, he said he just got busy that’s why he wasn’t able to text me that often. I tried not to pollute my mind, I still entertained him, that’s what’s wrong with me… once I challenge myself to take the risk, I do take the risk no matter what. We met up one night because he said that he wanted to talk to me. Just like before, we were sitting in front of their house having a good conversation like nothing happened. But I wanted to confront him… I wanted to release the hurt… yet I couldn’t. Again, he asked me to go up to his room, I declined, and again, again and again, he asked me… I still said no. He asked me if I have period that time, I said no, he asked if I’m safe, I said yes, last question was: “oh, eh bat ayaw mo?”, my last answer: “eh baket kailangan ko pa ba ng rason?”

He just hugged and kissed me. I was leaning on his chest and he was kissing me at the back… and I am gathering my every strength to control my tears. I don’t want him to see my pain, he may not care, or he may not even notice it, it’s better to expect for the worse. Some minutes after, we said our good nights, he can’t walk me home (which I totally understand coz he’s just avoiding conflicts with his neighbor, it’s a long story actually)… it’s not big of a deal anyway; I don’t want to put him in danger after all. When I went home, that’s when I thought that probably my presumption is right, that maybe he just wanted something else, something that I can’t tolerate of course. I texted him my goodbyes, I let out all the hurt I can muster. The only word he can say… is sorry.

I cried not just because I’ll miss him, but primarily because I didn’t felt the respect. I don’t know him anymore, I don’t know who’s the guy I’ve met 3 months ago, I can’t even figure out who am I already? I AM NOT A SLUT! I know I’m not! Why does it have to end like I’m a prostitute waking up with nobody but a few bucks for a living? I don’t even get paid… my emotions is what’s being bargained for here. My bad for letting “it” happen… I am so stupid, slap me more than a hundred times, and I’d still remain stupid! I didn’t expect him to be like that, how can everything be so deceiving? After holding back and letting the other guys passed me by, I decided to be brave and gave it a try… and this is just what I got? Tell me, how can I be brave again? What’s the point, what’s the price… nothing but complete stress! Hmm, wait… no I shouldn’t be afraid! He can’t ruin me again… I’ll still be brave; I’ll still take the risk. I didn’t look for him - he found me… I didn’t say I love you - he courted me… I accepted his world - he pulled it away from me… we were inseparable that night – he was a complete stranger many mornings after.

I never saw this coming… I thought that we were almost there… almost…

He is still texting me, sometimes I don’t reply and if I do, I reply bluntly... it still makes me smile whenever he sends “papansin” messages though. Being few streets apart from him, it’s not impossible that I’ll see his shadow again… shox, wish me luck!

SPICE GIRLS' VIDEO COMEBACK - Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)

they look a lot different now!!!

i know some of you just don't care anymore...

but i dunno, it's part of my childhood memoirs so it still somehow excites me to see them singing together again while doing those same old cheesy antics we used to see on tv…


only this time, im not the little girl anymore who is contented with the eye candy album they sold for SPICE WORLD which has a metallic color for each side of the tape (I remembered having the green one) =)

somehow, I did find them silly… I cant appreciate these girl groups as much as I adored them before. I want the band, I want the solo rnb artist, I want the rock star… and I believe Spice Girls isn’t one of them. Aaaw, honestly I felt nostalgic when I saw this video on tv, it’s like… am I that old??? Look at how they evolved… how Emma B. (baby spice) doesn’t seem to fit her name anymore? And how Victoria B. (posh spice) looks scarier now than Mel B. (scary spice)? And how Geri H. (ginger spice) became as sporty looking as Mel C. (sporty spice)?

Tsk2, I hope the young girls today can have their own experience of Spice Girls, their own share of Backstreet Boys moments… something that they could call their own. I mean, we adults may be disgusted by them… but these kids wouldn’t care as much as we didn’t care when we are of their age.

Come to think of it… they did have their own set of idols for their generation: PARIS HILTON, LINDSAY LOHAN, BRITNEY SPEARS…

Um… wait… hmm… I guess I’d probably settle for Spice Girls… or Hillary Duff maybe? =P

HOW BIG IS YOUR WANG!

my morning won't be complete without listening to Magic's "Good Times With Mo".

to familiarize some of you... this is the show where the "Forbidden Questions W/ Mo Twister" all started. The scandalous show which features celebrities and their unexpected answers to mo twister's "forbidden" questions.



but this radio program is more than that. My mornings are more entertaining just by listening to the 3 dj's (mo,andi and mojo) antics, most especially to mojo and mo's contradicting opinions which eventually ends up to be a source of debate for the both of them. The games too are equally fun to listen to, and they give prizes as easy as one, two, three. Some of the callers though are so annoying, but most of them are ridiculous!

and of course the crazy lines are hilarious as well! Whenever they have a male caller with a nice voice, a "CUTE BOY...ALERT! ALERT MGA TITA..." message will suddenly be played. The "HOW BIG IS YOUR WANG" question is a popular one too, haha!

you should hear mo twister speak, his opinions and point of views are downright shrewdly correct. He even has a theory that couples who are only 18yrs.old and below should not stay in a long term relationship... coz it's bullshit! I agree somehow =)

good times with mo is every 7-9am mondays to fridays... forbidden questions on wednesdays... this is intelligent radio.