SECOND OPTION

The men in my life... they’re probably or precisely the reason why I decided to write this blog. For such a time if you notice, I wasn’t able to write entries about love. I used to be a ‘love blogger’, someone who loves to write about love.

And here I go again, whew, this is not a good sign!

Let me start with a*shole, so far I can say that I am much better, yet I still feel the pain once in a while, I am trying my very best to cut ALL my connections, but sometimes circumstances reconnect themselves! And I must admit there’s still hatred.

Then there’s ‘baboy’, he texted me last Saturday with this message:

‘Anghel ka Ü Bumalik sya.., bibigyan daw nya ko ng chance Ü yeah!!!’

Baboy is my ex boyfriend who asked for my shoulder for the first time. That was the first time I saw him depressed big time! I don’t have romantic feelings anymore, I’m sure of that, but he is special, and seeing him overly in love with this girl made me ask myself… was he like that before when we broke up? I am just scared that I would lose him totally, we were like best friends already =(

Then there’s this guy I am seeing at the moment, he makes me smile, he calls me to make sure I’m okay, visits me once in a while after his work… but I am still lonely. Did you ever had this feeling when you felt that both of you are just using each other as rebounds? That’s what I’m feeling right now! It’s like we’re forcing ourselves to compensate each other’s failed expectations, it’s like I am happy with him, but I am happier with someone else.

THESE THREE GUYS… THESE THREE STORIES, WHAT DO THEY HAVE IN COMMON? SIMPLE… I AM ALWAYS THEIR SECOND OPTION.

It may sound unfair for the third guy to conclude this, but that’s really what I feel, I mean he just came from a break up!

After Brian, all I ever did was wait; wait for the final verdict. I am the one to adjust… I am the one to understand… I AM THE MEAN TIME GIRL. For the mean time I’ll call Fao, for the mean time I’ll ask Fao for dinner, for the mean time I’ll show my affection to Fao. Well those are literally the MEAN times, mean as in bad, mean as in painful, mean as in heart breaking.

But I’ll give this man a chance, I won’t judge him yet, maybe I’ll never see his good intentions if I’ll focus on his past. But as I write this and wait for his call I still feel lonely, because I am scared, I am cautious… I’m tired of rationalizing explanations. I’m sick of being the one to give way. I’m done with ‘I AM HAPPY FOR YOU’ moments.

Yet beyond all tears, I rediscovered a Man who NEVER took me for granted, who never made me His second option… I was never His mean time girl. I always pray for that blissful feeling again, I always tell Him to take care of these three guys. And now I am ashamed because I never realized that despite the pain these men caused me, there is still one left, and He is Lord God.

For sure He felt the same way as I do, the second best, the one we consider for the mean time. He has witnessed all my heartaches, He heard all the pain, and He felt all the sadness. He is my consistent and persistent suitor, never gets tired to check on me, never gave up on me, never lost His love for me. I always tell Him how thankful I am for meeting those three guys mentioned, for a while they made me happy, and each time they will make me cry, that's the only time I become thankful for having Him with me =( I AM SORRY, and so above anything else, I will make You the first option in my life, as I am to You!

SOON enough I will be someone’s first, not necessarily first on his priorities, but first on his heart. I’ll be brave again, I won’t hesitate… I will let myself fall, so hard, so fast. I won’t question his intentions; I won’t doubt my feelings…

And for the mean time, I will feel very special… I will LET myself be SPECIAL Ü

H1N1 PARANOIA

Am I an h1n1 carrier? I am on self quarantine as I write… I’m yet to know if I’m positive. Last night my temperature was 39.5! Whew! Man I’m HOT!

I started feeling sick last Thursday, attended a house party that night then went home the morning after. I stayed at home the whole day Friday, felt heavy, well not literally. I thought it is just a hangover, though I didn’t drank too much.

Then Saturday when I woke up, wow I felt cold, dizzy, my temperature' s high, ow yeah… I AM SICK!

I wore mask the whole day, my temperature went higher. Cough and flu were more evident today, but the temperature’s a bit lower now. My mom said last Saturday that they will still observe me before going to the hospital, and I hope I am doing better. I don’t want to eat the same meal again!

noodles and juice forever

Oh well, I am a responsible HOT lady anyway, I make sure not to cough or sneeze on anyone here at home, just in case I am carrying the annoying virus. I hate being sick, I can’t go out, I wasn’t even able to answer Jarred’s call =(, or entertain Shayne and Chat’s visit here, I can’t taste the food I’m eating, and the worst part… I miss having a good good shower! I stink!

Well, good thing I can use the net now, I really hope this is nothing; the h1n1 fever is making us all paranoid, darn.

SHARKBAIT MEDIA SOLUTIONS' DOTS ENTERTAINMENT

I attended SHARKBAIT MEDIA SOLUTIONS’ “DOTS ENTERTAINMENT” (a talk on digital art) last May at Cyberzone One Ecom Center. And I just wanna share how relieving that talk was for me, I mean wow, we Filipinos are good!

I am supposed to come with our photographer chicboy Mackoy, but sudden events happened at work so I came to the event by myself (no documentations whatsoever, hai Mackoy hehe). Nevertheless being alone made me focus on the talk further, and yes I am sitting in front, NERD haha.

There are 3 speakers on the said event, they’re all cool and I can smell the creativity on each of them:

Joel Chua of PIXEL PINTURA: He demonstrated a few of Pixel Pintura’s Digital Coloring & Painting tips and tricks. He jokes once in a while and he’s pretty good with brushes.

He colored this one live on his laptop with the photoshop brushes.

He also did another illustration with the use of photoshop pencil and brushes, while giving some tips on how to make your life easier on adobe photoshop.

I like Joel Chua’s willingness to share his knowledge to young and aspiring artists. He actually gives FREE 30-minute assessment and demo session, just schedule it with him.

From pixelpintura.com: "Hello. I have been teaching and developing the Pixel Pintura Workshops since 2002. I have been doing digital coloring & painting since 1999, particularly for work in comics, children's books, animation, games, and advertising. During these workshops my hope is that you benefit directly from that experience whatever you intend to do with the skills you will learn.” – Joel Chua

Do try it… it’ll be cool =D

Rommel Celespara of WACOM PHIL.: He showed us the products of Wacom that is very useful for graphic artists. He talked about the products with humor (he’s quite funny actually) and credibility that we actually forgot… um… how expensive those are, hehe!

One of the products that I got interested on is the Bamboo Fun Tablet.

The way I see it, it’s like shifting from a keypad phone to a touch screen! =) You won’t have to use a mouse anymore; the stylus pen is your best friend. Especially for those who edit for hours, man your right hand is sure to hurt right? This is good for photo editing, digital paint, draw & sketch, and handwriting.

Rommel also showed us some of his works, with the use of Wacom Bamboo Fun of course, and wow he’s good! I like how he showcased his personality through his works, and how he defended digital art without the expense of discouraging us on traditional art.

Benedict Carandang and Che Bello of TULDOK ANIMATION Studios Inc: This is my fave! They talked about how their non-stock non profit organization started and showed us their masterpiece ‘Libingan’, plus a teaser on their new project ‘Pasintabi’.

I was really inspired by this group. You know what, they told us that they don’t have an office, they just meet on fast food restaurants for brain storming, conceptualization, etc. Tuldok Animation consists of young and eager artists who are willing to expand and promote Filipinos’ skills and creativity.

I am happy that they’re supported by NCCA (National Commission for Culture & the Arts), the government supports young and aspiring artists like them, very eager to uplift the countries’ potentials on animation.

Tuldok Animation is also encouraging us to join (yes if you can be a voice talent, or an animator or musician, why not audition!) and support them as well.

All in all I realized that we do have a say on digital art (digital animation, digital painting, graphic designs, etc.), and though there have been debates between digital art and traditional art, I guess what’s important is how you were able to pursue your dreams.

Lastly, i realized on this talk that there are so MANY skilled artists out there that are STILL willing to share their knowledge and talent to dreamers like me, and like you...

besides, passion without inspiration is nothing, thus thank you for inspiring me =D

AGAIN, FOR MORE DETAILS ON THE EFFIN’ COOL CREATIVE MINDS I’VE MENTIONED CHECK THEIR WEBSITES:

SHARKBAIT MEDIA SOLUTIONS

PIXEL PINTURA / JOEL CHUA
WACOM / WACOM MULTIPLY
TULDOK ANIMATION / PASINTABI MULTIPLY

ONE HELL OF A WEEK

I am gonna write this blog to end this stressful sh*t once and for all.

I am gonna write this blog to satisfy my need to release everything through writing.

THEN MOVE ON.

For the past week I have seen a part of reality that I never knew existed. It was something that brought me pain and big disappointment.

If there is one thing that I have been thankful for this year, that is having a friend whom I can talk about my dreams with without being judged or discouraged. He is a friend who has influenced me to be better, a person who has given me a wiser perspective in life. I have been very thankful for everything that he, and the people affiliated to him, has thought me. They’ve been a brother and a buddy all rolled into one.

Then in a snap, I lost that trust. It became very painful, really, because as much as I wanna bring back that trust, I can’t, it’s hard.

Then we lost the respect. We ended up with hurtful words, words I don’t even wanna remember because I find it hard to accept that he was able to say such words to me without basis. BUT I UNDERSTAND.

For one week I was able to realize so many things.

Words are not enough to know a person; a man of words is not a man of perfection. But despite doing me wrong, I still won’t judge the advices he has given me, and up until now I will still live up to his teachings. Practice what you preach.

It’s never easy to accept that someone who you look up to would end up hurting you, judging you.

You come out strong, mature and wise, and then be questioned afterwards for being weak and for being hurt. That I can handle situations because I am intellectually capable to grip it… did he ever realized that emotions are harder to deal with.

And the biggest thing I realized through this experience is that it’s so HARD to do what is right. For the whole week I prayed for peace of mind, it hasn’t become easy, but I have to do what is necessary. It’s so difficult to tell him that everything is for good intentions, but come to think of it, I don’t need to push it, if he can’t understand it then fine. That is the worst debate we’ve ever had. But I left that place with a clean conscience because I know I am with HIM through every decision I made.

Still I wanna say SORRY for everyone who got hurt, who got affected in the process. I apologize to him for the pain I’ve caused. I know he will never understand my good intentions, so I will leave everything up to God. I never got mad; I was devastated really, but not mad. I still believe that genuine tragedies in the world are not conflicts between right and wrong. They are conflicts between two rights.

I am sorry if I have said some things that may have hurt him, I remembered him telling me: SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BE THE BAD GUY, IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD FRIEND.

If I have to end up being the bad guy here, it’s totally fine. Sacrifices, not very easy, but I’ve accepted it now. I lost a friendship because I wanna protect someone and because I wanna do the right thing. As much as it hurt me, I didn’t regret it, maybe some people just come into our lives to teach us lessons, and indeed… I learned a lot. THANK YOU.

I am proud of myself that despite the pain I still chose to do what is right, that despite the imperfections I am still able to stand up for what I believe in.

I WILL ALWAYS BE A FRIEND, TO EVERYBODY, ESPECIALLY TO MYSELF. I won’t turn my back if he needs me, but right now all I can do is pray for his betterment, I still do continue to pray for him, again I leave everything up to God.

That is probably one of the craziest week I’ve ever had, one of the most distressing summer, but then again I am still relieved. I may have lost a friendship and I may have ruined my reputation, yet I gained wisdom, I gained faith… and this time he may call it bragging.



“There are only two people who can tell you the truth about yourself - an enemy who has lost his temper and a friend who cares for you dearly.”

THANK YOU.
HE STILL THOUGHT ME SOMETHING,
UNINTENTIONAL THIS TIME.

THE RED ONE 4K CAMERA

I was privileged to be invited to the Director’s Guild of the Philippine’s (dgpi) Technical Workshop on Film held at The Block D- Cinema last May 9.

I saw many familiar faces in the film industry like Tony G. Reyes, president of DGPI; Joel Lamangan, an award- winning film director; Audrey Zubiri, wife of Senator Miguel Zubiri; Oli Laperal Jr., managing director of RSVP Film Production; Percy Fung, 3D film maker from Hong Kong; and many others!


I learned so much about film making, cameras, post production, etc. One of the exciting parts is watching 3D made music videos and clips which were also discussed by Mr. Percy Fung.
Of course the 3D presentations won’t be possible without the 3D shades =)
I felt a little dizzy with the computations and numbers lectured by Mr. Oli Laperal Jr. (but they do make sense… a lot)!

But I ultimately went back to my senses when they talked about the 4K RED camera. Whew, it’s cool! RSVP Film Production is the first one to own the Red camera here in South East Asia. They showed us their demo reels using the 4K cam and I was impressed big time! The colors are very detailed and the images are realistic. I totally recommend this for food advertisement, even the olives looked tasty to my eyes. The test shot on time warp is cute too (cute?haha).

To give you an idea on what the hell I am talking about, see there are 5 main standards of digital video cameras, ranging from the high end digital cinema cameras, to your ordinary everyday household DVcam. The 480p or SD (standard definition), most commonly 720x480 in NTSC regions, is what you get in a decent DV camera. The 720p on the other hand, is the 'low end' HD. 720 lines vertically, commonly 1280x720. The 1080 is the topmost HDTV format. 1080 lines vertically (HDTV, unlike the cinema formats, are measured by their heights not width). The maximum is 1920x1080 at 60frames per second progressive scan (I’m not really familiar with the term progressive scan though). Now the 2k is 4k's little brother. While 4k exceeds 35mm film quality, 2k is a little below. 2048 pixels wide, it's around a quarter of the quality of 4k. And 4k is the mother of all digital film formats. 4096 pixels wide visual heaven! I told you, they discussed a lot of numbers in the workshop, and yeah, they do makes sense right?

The Knowing (Nicolas Cage), Angels and Demons (Tom Hanks) are just some of the films, among about 400 other Hollywood films, that already used the Red camera. Baler (Jericho Rosales), the indi film Pintakasi (John Wayne Sace), and many other film and advertisements here in the Philippines also used the Red cam.
















RSVP film production also showed us a demo reel on animations which also got my attention. Working on the post production is like being the magician of the film, anything is possible! And i think having a fully digital workflow for the film will make editing,visualFX,color-grading and distribution a lot more painless and trouble free than having film rolls. Digital media can be a little pricy though. That Red One cam is woopin' expensive Jonah!haha!

Someday I would get to use that Red ‘hot’ camera. Someday I would get to present a demo reel (done by me only,haha) about how awesome my ad agency is (c’mon I’m dreaming here!). But my biggest dream is to have a seminar to students and inspire them to achieve greatness and coolness in the mediocre world of film and advertisement!

Wahahaha… dream on…. yeah… and wake me up later!

THE SELFISH LOST A FRIEND

  

I lost him last night because of one of the usual causes of road accidents… riding motorcycles without helmet.

Like who would have thought that someone so healthy, ambitious, cheerful and smart would die just like that. I received a call from a friend 10pm Tuesday night (April 28) telling me to buy load for our friend so he can call Jake, and so I did looked for a place to buy load as I was also about to go to a friend’s office to drink.

That same night I heard about Jake’s motorcycle accident. I was drinking with friends and didn’t bother THAT much thinking that everything will be okay.

BUT I WAS WRONG. Jake passed away Wednesday night, 7:30pm (April 29). I didn’t cry at first, or I was trying not to cry. I drank with friends and just let the night pass me by. Before I write this I went to Arlington to visit my good good buddy. Still charming, and yeah, still smiling. That was the time I cried.

I was just with him last week, we were just singing in his car last week, he was just tutoring me on Corel last week, we were just pigging out on Japanese food last week… last week and this week, who would have thought that those 2 weeks can make a difference?

AND ON MY WAY HOME I REALIZED: HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SELFISH?

I’ve related selfishness because that same night when Jake died I had a good talk with a good friend about being called selfish or basically following your passion to the expense of hurting someone’s feelings. See I have been consistently called selfish in four months by men I’ve sincerely had feelings for. Selfish for not being able to give them time due to some goal oriented reasons. I get lonely sometimes thinking that maybe they’re right, I may have the brains but I have a frail heart. I may satisfy my passion but ends up disregarding the emotions of my partner. Yes I suppose that’s selfishness, and sometimes I can’t help but feel guilty whenever I am alone and wondering: what if I’ve given them the time they needed?

See we all live our lives each day differently. As for me, I live each day making sure that it will have a good effect on my future. But what made me think is how tricky life can be, one day they’re there, next thing you know, they’re gone. So would that mean that I should chase my dreams, fulfill my passion, reach for my goals while I’m still young and alive or show the people I care for how much important they are before they’re gone?

What if I wanna do both? I wanna be good in the industry I’m planning to embrace wholeheartedly but I am ALSO yearning to be with someone to hug and to hold, to hug and to hold only at those times that I can afford. Selfish isn’t it?

But how do I live my life, I am commending myself for the things I’m learning in the field of arts, but I am also gradually blaming myself for this empty feeling in my heart…

I am going to look for someone ‘SELFISH’ and I’ll make sure to live each day making people smile, making myself smile, and yes making him smile everyday until we die.

Jake probably knows why I am writing selfishness with death. It could have been us Jake, but I am selfish, and so I set you free.

REST IN PEACE JAKE.
IT WAS A ‘BROOM BROOM’ RIDE AFTER ALL! ;)

THE IDEAL GUY

What is ideal and what is essential? I started asking myself as I check my phone waiting for messages coming from at least one of them:
A PAST, A PRESENT AND MAYBE FROM AN IMPOSSIBLE FUTURE.

I AM UNFAIR. I AM CONFUSED.



I don’t know how to explain this,
but is being idealistic a good or a bad thing?
I remembered asking God to give me a better relationship,
a relationship that would last longer,
a relationship where I can be better.
This year I’ve set my parameters.
I would date guys who are mature,
and for that I would go for older guys.
I would look for someone who knows what he wants in life,
someone who keeps track of his future,
someone who can give me a good future.
For the past years I’ve been settling with mediocre relationships.
Guys who would give me
the moon and stars,
yet would leave me with
nothing but unfinished business
and lessons learned from heartaches.

I would want to be with someone who can inspire me to be better,
who can SUPPORT my dreams, my passion.
I want that someone whom I can confide about anything and everything.
I want him, I want him badly.
Is it wrong to expect for
something better?

…
WHAT IF I MEET THAT IDEAL GUY,
but he can’t love me back.

To be honest, I can’t really explain what I’m going through right now, but one thing’s for sure…
I am starting to hurt people.
I offended my ex-boyfriend for calling him immature more than a hundred times this week (okay I’m exaggerating).
I started avoiding my suitor thinking that he can’t be good enough for me. And where am I now,
yearning for a certain someone to at least give me a little attention.
That someone, I hope, is my ideal guy.
Like your prince charming, like your dream come true…
like my answered prayers.


I want my past and/ or my present to be my ideal guy.
I want to be taken care of by someone who can UNDERSTAND my thoughts; he doesn’t have to agree with me all the time, but I know he’s there to listen.
I want to smile at the end of the day thinking that I learned something from him, and he did too to me.
Someone mature enough to spoil me yet will also tell me that I am acting like a kid when I shouldn’t be.
The guy who would make me laugh so hard with the craziest jokes, and would impress me with the most unpredictable ideas.
The guy who would bring me to dinner dates, yet is honest enough to say no to fulfill his other duties.
That same guy who would RESPECT my privacy and time as much as I would value his.
I want to be with the guy who can be busy with so many things yet can still exert an effort to go to church.
I want to be with that guy who can love me as a girlfriend, and most importantly, as a friend,
a best friend.


If only they can be that guy,
if only my ex-boyfriend or my suitor can try to be like him,
but no, they can’t.
And now I apologize for being pushy,
for expecting too much,
for asking for too much.
But nobody can tell me that the ideal guy is impossible,
that I would never meet him.


Again, what if I’ve already met him but unfortunately
I am not his ideal girl.


I started asking myself once again,
what is ideal and
what is essential?
Is it the person I’ve dreamt of loving,
or the person who can give me the love
I truly deserve?


Idealistic.
Showing a tendency to envision things in
perfect but unrealistic form.


IT IS SUBJECTIVE,
HANDLE IT WITH CARE.

SERVANT YOUR FACE!

Filipinos are enraged with an article written by Chinese journalist Chip Tsao for HK Magazine entitled “The War At Home”.

And who wouldn’t be, he just considered us (Filipinos) as a NATION OF SERVANTS…

Here’s the article:

“The Russians sank a Hong Kong freighter last month, killing the seven Chinese seamen on board. We can live with that—Lenin and Stalin were once the ideological mentors of all Chinese people. The Japanese planted a flag on Diàoyú Island. That’s no big problem—we Hong Kong Chinese love Japanese cartoons, Hello Kitty, and shopping in Shinjuku, let alone our round-the-clock obsession with karaoke.

But hold on—even the Filipinos? Manila has just claimed sovereignty over the scattered rocks in the South China Sea called the Spratly Islands, complete with a blatant threat from its congress to send gunboats to the South China Sea to defend the islands from China if necessary. This is beyond reproach. The reason: there are more than 130,000 Filipina maids working as $3,580-a-month cheap labor in Hong Kong. As a nation of servants, you don’t flex your muscles at your master, from whom you earn most of your bread and butter.

As a patriotic Chinese man, the news has made my blood boil. I summoned Louisa, my domestic assistant who holds a degree in international politics from the University of Manila, hung a map on the wall, and gave her a harsh lecture. I sternly warned her that if she wants her wages increased next year, she had better tell every one of her compatriots in Statue Square on Sunday that the entirety of the Spratly Islands belongs to China.
Grimly, I told her that if war breaks out between the Philippines and China, I would have to end her employment and send her straight home, because I would not risk the crime of treason for sponsoring an enemy of the state by paying her to wash my toilet and clean my windows 16 hours a day. With that money, she would pay taxes to her government, and they would fund a navy to invade our motherland and deeply hurt my feelings.

Oh yes. The government of the Philippines would certainly be wrong if they think we Chinese are prepared to swallow their insult and sit back and lose a Falkland Islands War in the Far East. They may have Barack Obama and the hawkish American military behind them, but we have a hostage in each of our homes in the Mid-Levels or higher. Some of my friends told me they have already declared a state of emergency at home. Their maids have been made to shout “China, Madam/Sir” loudly whenever they hear the word “Spratly.” They say the indoctrination is working as wonderfully as when we used to shout, “Long live Chairman Mao!” at the sight of a portrait of our Great Leader during the Cultural Revolution. I’m not sure if that’s going a bit too far, at least for the time being.”

OH C’MON! Totally derogatory and downright mean! I have little idea about how we got the Spratly Islands but we are valid to own it up, so who is he to reprimand his Filipina maid to tell everyone that the entirety of the Spratly Islands belongs to China?! F-YOU!

And don’t you ever insult your maid or any OFW in your country; do you know that the Filipino overseas worker has the ability to influence the entire world economy? Thanks to the medical professionals, caregivers, engineers, educators and entertainers of the country. I like what Akbayan Rep. Ana Theresia “Risa” Hontiveros-Baraquel (dear what a long name,haha) suggested:
"Filipina domestic workers should hold a one-day strike to tell the likes of Chip Tsao who's the real master of the HK economy. If all Filipino workers in HK would strike, the HK economy would grind to a halt without us having to invade the territory,”

Love it!

Man, public apology isn’t enough. This is a complete case of racism, to think that we’re both Asians… tsk2, very disappointing. Chip Tsao is a best-selling author and columnist. A former reporter for the BBC, his columns have also appeared in Apple Daily, Next Magazine and CUP Magazine, among others. Yes, he is a person who can influence others through writing and this is how he used his power.

I remembered our premise when I joined a Debate Contest in 2006: Can we still be proud on being Filipinos to other countries. I remembered my speech as the government whip and recalled how I mentioned all the possible reasons on why we should still be proud on being Filipinos, and as I write this I thought… why not prove to him that we are not their servants. Study harder, work harder, and let’s see who the boss is.

If this is a satire as what they’re claiming, well I don’t find it at any way funny and most especially, witty. And in satire, sarcasm is very much evident in the writing, sarcasm meaning agreeing on the things that you actually attack. In Tsao’s article, he attacked us Filipinos bluntly, no hesitations whatsoever… again, it is not amusing at all. Satire or not, it's still rude and too much.

I HATE THIS ARTICLE AS MUCH AS I HATE THAT GUY. We are not servants; we just know the value of work, dedication and commitment. This is a complete opposite to how Europeans looked at Filipinos as the brilliance of the universities before, during Rizal’s time for example.

We can still uplift the way people see us, and it should still start from ourselves, like what the last line says on my debate speech: shame on those who do not take pride on their homeland.

BE PROUD, A NATION OF SERVANTS PERHAPS, BUT SERVANTS CAN GO HIGHER, CAN MOVE UPWARDS... AND FOR THOSE WHO ACT AS BOSSES ON TOP? WELL, THEY HAVE NOWHERE TO GO BUT DOWNWARDS.