Monday, April 6, 2009


What is ideal and what is essential? I started asking myself as I check my phone waiting for messages coming from at least one of them:


I don’t know how to explain this,
but is being idealistic a good or a bad thing?
I remembered asking God to give me a better relationship,
a relationship that would last longer,
a relationship where I can be better.
This year I’ve set my parameters.
I would date guys who are mature,
and for that I would go for older guys.
I would look for someone who knows what he wants in life,
someone who keeps track of his future,
someone who can give me a good future.
For the past years I’ve been settling with mediocre relationships.
Guys who would give me
the moon and stars,
yet would leave me with
nothing but unfinished business
and lessons learned from heartaches.

I would want to be with someone who can inspire me to be better,
who can SUPPORT my dreams, my passion.
I want that someone whom I can confide about anything and everything.
I want him, I want him badly.
Is it wrong to expect for
something better?

but he can’t love me back.

To be honest, I can’t really explain what I’m going through right now, but one thing’s for sure…
I am starting to hurt people.
I offended my ex-boyfriend for calling him immature more than a hundred times this week (okay I’m exaggerating).
I started avoiding my suitor thinking that he can’t be good enough for me. And where am I now,
yearning for a certain someone to at least give me a little attention.
That someone, I hope, is my ideal guy.
Like your prince charming, like your dream come true…
like my answered prayers.

I want my past and/ or my present to be my ideal guy.
I want to be taken care of by someone who can UNDERSTAND my thoughts; he doesn’t have to agree with me all the time, but I know he’s there to listen.
I want to smile at the end of the day thinking that I learned something from him, and he did too to me.
Someone mature enough to spoil me yet will also tell me that I am acting like a kid when I shouldn’t be.
The guy who would make me laugh so hard with the craziest jokes, and would impress me with the most unpredictable ideas.
The guy who would bring me to dinner dates, yet is honest enough to say no to fulfill his other duties.
That same guy who would RESPECT my privacy and time as much as I would value his.
I want to be with the guy who can be busy with so many things yet can still exert an effort to go to church.
I want to be with that guy who can love me as a girlfriend, and most importantly, as a friend,
a best friend.

If only they can be that guy,
if only my ex-boyfriend or my suitor can try to be like him,
but no, they can’t.
And now I apologize for being pushy,
for expecting too much,
for asking for too much.
But nobody can tell me that the ideal guy is impossible,
that I would never meet him.

Again, what if I’ve already met him but unfortunately
I am not his ideal girl.

I started asking myself once again,
what is ideal and
what is essential?
Is it the person I’ve dreamt of loving,
or the person who can give me the love
I truly deserve?

Showing a tendency to envision things in
perfect but unrealistic form.



Tin said...

Probably the reason why I'm still single right now is because I am looking for what you are looking for. The mature one. The open-minded one. The one who won't be mad at me when if I failed to text him in the morning. I don't want to have petty reasons of fighting.

Hope we find the right guys for us, Fao. :)

fao rani said...

aaaw..really? yeah, i guess we're on the same boat ;)

i hate petty fights as well! update me if u found him already ayt?=D

Tin said...

I will. :)
Keep me posted as well. :)