Sunday, May 31, 2009

ONE HELL OF A WEEK




I am gonna write this blog to end this stressful sh*t once and for all.

I am gonna write this blog to satisfy my need to release everything through writing.

THEN MOVE ON.

For the past week I have seen a part of reality that I never knew existed. It was something that brought me pain and big disappointment.

If there is one thing that I have been thankful for this year, that is having a friend whom I can talk about my dreams with without being judged or discouraged. He is a friend who has influenced me to be better, a person who has given me a wiser perspective in life. I have been very thankful for everything that he, and the people affiliated to him, has thought me. They’ve been a brother and a buddy all rolled into one.

Then in a snap, I lost that trust. It became very painful, really, because as much as I wanna bring back that trust, I can’t, it’s hard.

Then we lost the respect. We ended up with hurtful words, words I don’t even wanna remember because I find it hard to accept that he was able to say such words to me without basis. BUT I UNDERSTAND.

For one week I was able to realize so many things.

Words are not enough to know a person; a man of words is not a man of perfection. But despite doing me wrong, I still won’t judge the advices he has given me, and up until now I will still live up to his teachings. Practice what you preach.

It’s never easy to accept that someone who you look up to would end up hurting you, judging you.

You come out strong, mature and wise, and then be questioned afterwards for being weak and for being hurt. That I can handle situations because I am intellectually capable to grip it… did he ever realized that emotions are harder to deal with.

And the biggest thing I realized through this experience is that it’s so HARD to do what is right. For the whole week I prayed for peace of mind, it hasn’t become easy, but I have to do what is necessary. It’s so difficult to tell him that everything is for good intentions, but come to think of it, I don’t need to push it, if he can’t understand it then fine. That is the worst debate we’ve ever had. But I left that place with a clean conscience because I know I am with HIM through every decision I made.

Still I wanna say SORRY for everyone who got hurt, who got affected in the process. I apologize to him for the pain I’ve caused. I know he will never understand my good intentions, so I will leave everything up to God. I never got mad; I was devastated really, but not mad. I still believe that genuine tragedies in the world are not conflicts between right and wrong. They are conflicts between two rights.

I am sorry if I have said some things that may have hurt him, I remembered him telling me: SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BE THE BAD GUY, IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD FRIEND.

If I have to end up being the bad guy here, it’s totally fine. Sacrifices, not very easy, but I’ve accepted it now. I lost a friendship because I wanna protect someone and because I wanna do the right thing. As much as it hurt me, I didn’t regret it, maybe some people just come into our lives to teach us lessons, and indeed… I learned a lot. THANK YOU.

I am proud of myself that despite the pain I still chose to do what is right, that despite the imperfections I am still able to stand up for what I believe in.

I WILL ALWAYS BE A FRIEND, TO EVERYBODY, ESPECIALLY TO MYSELF. I won’t turn my back if he needs me, but right now all I can do is pray for his betterment, I still do continue to pray for him, again I leave everything up to God.

That is probably one of the craziest week I’ve ever had, one of the most distressing summer, but then again I am still relieved. I may have lost a friendship and I may have ruined my reputation, yet I gained wisdom, I gained faith… and this time he may call it bragging.



“There are only two people who can tell you the truth about yourself - an enemy who has lost his temper and a friend who cares for you dearly.”

THANK YOU.
HE STILL THOUGHT ME SOMETHING,

UNINTENTIONAL THIS TIME.





2 comments:

Anonymous said...

astig ng pagkasulat mo! whatever it is, sana ay okay ka na. add kita sa multiply ha? salamat Ü -justeen (client from apc)

fao rani said...

hi jus! sori late response...thanx, im quite okay now =D